We have had our differences in the past, but my father you will always be. No matter how hard you try, there are just some things you cannot hide from me. We share the same blood, as well as some of the same destructive habits. The same need to hide our true battles from the world runs through our veins. I see it eating at the core of your sanity. You say you are fine when honestly your heart is slowly dying inside. Should you stay or go constantly circulates in your mind. The deception and betrayal from loved ones corners you. Anger builds in your heart as trust slowly leaves it. Though we are hundreds of miles away from each other, your pain has become mine. I wish there was a way I could still your troubling heart but I know that is a job only the most High can achieve. I hate to see you in those moods because I know the damage they can create. They may not seem like much until it is too late. I been at that low point and seeing you there would be too much for me to bare. I love you with all my heart and I will continue to pray for your restoration. Please don’t lose hope and always keep your faith close. The enemy is just busy right now, but I know your victory will soon come. You are a strong and courageous man. I am my father’s child, so if I can overcome my struggles, there is no doubt in my heart that you can too. Remember “weeping may ensure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”- Psalms 30:5…I love you Dad.
Month: September 2015
Cats and Shoelaces
Though I wasn’t in control over the events that took place, my heart felt as though it wouldn’t be any different if I was. As I tied my shoes and stood up, I was surprised to look down and see my shoes partially laced. That immediately caught the eye of one of the two cats within the room and it positioned itself to jump at my laces. In its eyes it was just an object that it could play with. That was its instinct. However, I didn’t care to see it that way and in my eyes, the cat and the laces were at this point annoying me. All I wanted to do was get going about my day. And I did not even bother to try and figure out why the cats were there in the first place. Why couldn’t this cat just leave them alone? And how in the world did these laces become undone anyway after I literally just tied them? My shoelaces were not made to be a cat’s toy and last I checked, I knew how to tie shoes. I don’t know what was going on with me that day. Out of habit and frustration, I attacked the cat without thinking. Though it was only going for my laces, I felt as though it was threatening me and my time. An unnecessary reaction I guess you can say. Out of all things to battle today, I choose a cat….a cat.
But I tried to remind myself that it was just a dream. Or was it? Maybe there is a message hiding in the depths of my perception. I don’t even like cats and dreaming about them, along with a random situation like tying my shoes, was far from my average dream. What could it mean? How would these two objects correlate with my life? How do they reflect me? Why did I feel so justified in my actions? Was the cat really my enemy? Or was I my own enemy? Why didn’t my shoelaces stay tied? It is funny how something as simple as trying to tie my shoes turned into this complex puzzle of never-ending questions. Symbolic themes of femininity and preparedness kept coming across my path. Am I not being womanly enough? Do I still have too much of a frisky nature that is preventing those close to me from getting near? Am I less prepared than I realized for what is to come? My God, You and I are going to have a nice long chat because I refuse to leave this to my own interpretation. The most interesting part of it all is how the most simple and random vision of cats and shoelaces came to be a symbolic, yet questionable, reflection of my life. And here I was trying to convince myself that it was just a “dream”.
Shipwrecked
Can somebody explain to me what is going on!!? The tides were calm and steady. Our sails were flowing with the wind, pushing our ship along the waters. The sun was nice and bright. Everything was good and it seemed as though nothing could take this peace away from us. But then this raging storm just came out of nowhere. We were so blindsided by its force that I could not process what was even going on. All I knew was that the tides were no longer on our side. My state of mind immediately became uncontrollable. Our beautiful ship was being engulfed by the large body of water. Our world became dark.
Now we are here, alone, fighting to stay afloat. My heart and mind are in a race, still trying to understand how it took only seconds to change my life for the worse. I call out to God, searching for an explanation rather than a rescue. For some odd reason, I can accept what happened, but not understanding why is what is bothering me….The last thing I remember before the wreck was opening my mouth to have an honest conversation about someone, on another passing ship, who had caught his eye.
TheKiaraProject 