August 2016 – TheKiaraProject

Tired

Posted on August 26, 2016August 26, 2016 by KDP

Why do I feel like the more I try to hold on to faith, the more I seem to lose it? The more I ask him to walk with me the more he wants to refuse.

I focus on the small things in the dark and not paying attention to the light. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the young woman I see is not I.

My mission, my purpose grows further away. I am too impatient and clueless to what is going on. I doubt I will ever be ready.

Been bruised so many times I don’t know when to take a chance at life. I bet He is getting tired of all this whining.

I see happiness around me but can’t discover my own. And the things I want the most seem long gone.

But I am too curious to let go. That seems to be the only thing that is keeping me afloat.

I know it takes time but I don’t want to lie to myself either. This is hard and sometimes I just wonder if You are listening.

I’m tired of these feelings and I don’t want to be angry, but Lord I ask…What do you want from me!!!!????

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Temporary trials overshadow the blessings I receive. Smiling on the outside is convincing when your audience is consciously blind. I am a puppet of my own mind while the lack of confidence is pulling the strings. Being your own prisoner is depressing but it’s when you become aware of that entrapment that you start to feel insane.

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Gone Fishing

Posted on August 26, 2016 by KDP

Part one:

He takes his line and applies the bait one more time. Frustrated and confused, He attempts to capture this little and evasive fish. He has already captured this bigger fish and put it in His container on His boat. He has big plans for this big fish and it has made His day. However, this little fish just won’t stop circling his boat. Now every time he tries to reel it in, the fish quickly grabs the bait and swims away. Moments later it returns, circling once again. In His mind He doesn’t understand why this little fish is being like this. He exhales out of frustration and begins to pack up. “Its not ready. Maybe next time”, He says. He leaves the little fish only to return the next day and ends up repeat the same cycle with the same little fish.

Part two:

A little fish spots this big fish heading towards a boat . Its family told the little fish to stay away from such structures but the little fish couldn’t help but follow. As the fish approaches the boat, it sees the big fish purposely circling the boat and when it felt the little fish come by, it made a gesture that meant “follow“. Next thing you know the great fish gets swept up out of the dark waters. The little fish gets closer and starts circling the boat to try and understand what just happened. It soon sees a line with something attached. The little fish quickly grabs it and swims away. Whatever that something was the fish wanted more of it. It begins circling the boat like the big fish but every time the line came done it repeatedly took it and swam away. The little fish didn’t understand what was going on. “Why am I not being picked up out of these dark waters? I did what the other fish did!” Next thing you know the boat starts making this loud rumbling noise and the little fish swims away from it not knowing what’s going on. As moon lights up the sky, the little fish is still in the same spot. Sad and confused. It wanted to know what happened to that bigger fish and why was it inadequate to be lifted. “Why did it give up on me? I bet I messed up…again. I can’t ever seem to do things right.” Unintentionally the little fish starts to become jealous….Morning comes and the fish gets excited. The boat is back! It swims to the boat, but only to repeat the same cycle it did once before.

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Hollow

Posted on August 14, 2016August 15, 2016 by KDP

Home isn’t what it seems. Time seems to not have changed anything worth holding. Many conversations but they talk over me. What is belonging? My thoughts, my unrest are mines to bare. My heart stays conflicted and the love around me seems artificial. By default I am connected. My mind takes me to a place where I am all too familiar yet for some reason comfortable. At least I know what to expect is what I tell myself. The darkness invites me with open arms and sometimes I get to a point where I just want to go back to that empty space.