Lost Files…

I hesitated and once again lost a golden opportunity to let forgiveness in and overcome the power of offense. But I didn’t do it. Courage deserted me the moment their eyes saw mine. It doesn’t help knowing that they saw it too. I am disappointed in myself because I know I am better than that. I don’t know why I try to make myself believe that I am forcing things in my attempts to engage or that they don’t have the desire to interact with me. So as usual I isolate. Thought I was over all of this but I guess not. And although I know there is resistance from their end as well, I will hold myself accountable for mine. The fear of being hurt again was more on my mind than restoring the love and friendship that was once on our side. Lord I failed You again and there is no excuse for this shame I feel inside. I miss the effortless laughs and fun that was shared and I’m pretty sure they do too. Will we ever get through these growing pains? I have faith that the foundation we built remains and hopefully one day, after shuffling through these ruins, we can find it together again.