Maybe these situations are Your way of telling me I am not close enough to You. Is there something that I am not seeing? Recently it seems as though I have been getting hit with boulders right and left. That tunnel leading to the beautiful sunrise is slowly collapsing. My energy is dissipating from every bone in my body. I’m trying to put up one last fight but I feel it may all be for nothing. Why do you allow my oppressors to hurt me? I pray for them because I don’t want to be angry and I must forgive. I know if I give in to this temptation of rage then I am no better than them. So I pray for You to give me peace and help me to stay focused on Your future for me. I’m learning more and more about how cruel life can really be. I am accepting of Your will and now I ask, “Lord what is Your next move with me?”
Author: KDP
Writing to exhale...
A New Day
So many times my silence and clouded eyes were unpredictable and the darkness that surrounded the light appeared to be inevitable.
But with each new day I embellish my mind with this thought of this new beginning. This new journey; seeing as living in the shadows is no longer comforting.
Prayer has become my new norm even when my heart beat elevates. I find solitude in knowing my Savior although sometimes I can’t seem to explain my pain.
I am thankful for each sunrise and humbled by the sunsets. Time has brought a new meaning of living and I try my best to bask in each moment.
Memories have become meaningful as laughs are filled with joy. My spirit has calmed, no more raging noise.
Letting go and letting God is healing more than just wounds…it is healing my soul. I walk to Him on my own, but know I am never alone.
Although human flaws continue to follow me, I remain of good faith. Something about knowing that my sins don’t define me gives me strength.
Even in the mist of error, I keep His promise close. His Love has no limits, no boundaries, and that’s what I hold on to the most.
I have learned to listen to this world in a different tune. More importantly, I have learned not to start each day looking in my rearview.
A Wounded Sheep
My heart caves in as I listen to his cries. I feel helpless to his pain. All I can do is cover the wounds, but Lord it is You that he needs. I can only wipe away so many tears before he starts to become numb to my efforts. And as he cries out to You, I follow his lead because his wounds are overwhelming me. So much pain for one to bare. Lord I am trying to understand Your reasoning behind this man’s despair? I pray constantly for his healing. He doesn’t feel as though he was meant to lead and he doesn’t believe he will find peace. He feels as though he has sacrificed so much, including friends and family, only to gain so little. It is becoming harder to show him the truth that lies behind those regular thoughts. God help me to become the strength he needs. Help me bring his worries at ease. Reach out to him and let him know You are here and You hear his cries. I do try to tell myself that there is triumph waiting on the other side, but as the days go by, I start to feel the need to take blame for his many restless nights.
Warm Skin
It is not often that your mind and body are at one so you contemplate. How do I proceed? Honest affection has become sexual greed. Even love between two good souls can still bring about a destruction end. Once you’ve moved the palm of your hand softly across their gentle skin, your mind convinces you that there is only one way to go from here. As your temperature rises, there is a slight hesitation. Do you keep caressing their body while admiring their beauty? Or do you stop in efforts to protect this sacred being from your poisoned ideology? As your subconscious tries to process these questions your eyes has already made a decision for you that you can’t seem to resist. So soft, so warm, so nurturing. They too have become susceptible to your touch. You don’t want to stop and why should you? I mean what’s wrong with exploring the physicality of the one you are in love with?… As you start to drown yourself in an ocean of lustful bliss, your mind sends you into the depths of a spiritual dilemma. Yes this beautiful skin is too tempting to ignore, but is it worth the guilt you will soon endure?
Trailing New Soil
“Sometimes the place you’re used to is not the place you belong.” That is what He keeps reminding me every time I think about going back home. “Follow me and let your mind be at ease for I will lead you down a path so many are afraid to believe. If you allow your heart to reside in Me, you will find that your only true home is with Me.”…Okay Lord, lead me!
Safe Tree
As I sit along this tree, those deep and dark eyes stare into mine. You want my tears to fall into your hands. You smile waiting for me to reach out to you in comfort. Through your eyes, you see a woman who appears hopeless and in need of her desires to be filled. One who has lost their way perhaps? So close she has let you get to her. All you need now is for her to tell you yes so you can add power to that ugly name. But I assure you you are wasting your time. Everyone knows one can only see so far in darkness. The only way to see things clearly and for what they really are is with Light. You smile but have yet to realize you have been sitting here, so close, waiting on me for years and yet you are still stuck in that same spot. My tears won’t fall into your hands because He continues to catch them. My desires are temporary and can never fill me with this unconditional love. I will admit, stubbornness can be tiring, which is why I regularly come to my Father’s tree. But I assure you, even as you continue to fix your eyes on me, hopelessness is no longer within me. Those dark eyes may always follow me, but through your attempts, I am reassured that my life has great meaning.
Freeing myself
That moment when you realize that no matter how many people you surround yourself with, you still end up alone and mentally isolated. You try to turn your brain off for one second…just one…to enjoy life but all it does is make things more obvious. So then you just let that feeling build until you have no choice but to let your heart and mind collide. Hope and faith prevail but painful memories still like to take a seat next to us every once in awhile? I always wondered what it would feel like to finally be free from oneself. Its like you want to really be happy for others, be your true self, and let go of the past but pain does what it does best and whispers in your ear about the unforgotten. So much energy and love is eagered to jump out of this woman’s body…I used to think I was the outcast, but with time has come the understanding that I may be doing the outcasting. Though my heart just wants to love, my mind is afraid to fully let it in.
Tired
Why do I feel like the more I try to hold on to faith, the more I seem to lose it? The more I ask him to walk with me the more he wants to refuse.
I focus on the small things in the dark and not paying attention to the light. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the young woman I see is not I.
My mission, my purpose grows further away. I am too impatient and clueless to what is going on. I doubt I will ever be ready.
Been bruised so many times I don’t know when to take a chance at life. I bet He is getting tired of all this whining.
I see happiness around me but can’t discover my own. And the things I want the most seem long gone.
But I am too curious to let go. That seems to be the only thing that is keeping me afloat.
I know it takes time but I don’t want to lie to myself either. This is hard and sometimes I just wonder if You are listening.
I’m tired of these feelings and I don’t want to be angry, but Lord I ask…What do you want from me!!!!????
My Little Puppet
Temporary trials overshadow the blessings I receive. Smiling on the outside is convincing when your audience is consciously blind. I am a puppet of my own mind while the lack of confidence is pulling the strings. Being your own prisoner is depressing but it’s when you become aware of that entrapment that you start to feel insane.
Gone Fishing
Part one:
He takes his line and applies the bait one more time. Frustrated and confused, He attempts to capture this little and evasive fish. He has already captured this bigger fish and put it in His container on His boat. He has big plans for this big fish and it has made His day. However, this little fish just won’t stop circling his boat. Now every time he tries to reel it in, the fish quickly grabs the bait and swims away. Moments later it returns, circling once again. In His mind He doesn’t understand why this little fish is being like this. He exhales out of frustration and begins to pack up. “Its not ready. Maybe next time”, He says. He leaves the little fish only to return the next day and ends up repeat the same cycle with the same little fish.
Part two:
A little fish spots this big fish heading towards a boat . Its family told the little fish to stay away from such structures but the little fish couldn’t help but follow. As the fish approaches the boat, it sees the big fish purposely circling the boat and when it felt the little fish come by, it made a gesture that meant “follow“. Next thing you know the great fish gets swept up out of the dark waters. The little fish gets closer and starts circling the boat to try and understand what just happened. It soon sees a line with something attached. The little fish quickly grabs it and swims away. Whatever that something was the fish wanted more of it. It begins circling the boat like the big fish but every time the line came done it repeatedly took it and swam away. The little fish didn’t understand what was going on. “Why am I not being picked up out of these dark waters? I did what the other fish did!” Next thing you know the boat starts making this loud rumbling noise and the little fish swims away from it not knowing what’s going on. As moon lights up the sky, the little fish is still in the same spot. Sad and confused. It wanted to know what happened to that bigger fish and why was it inadequate to be lifted. “Why did it give up on me? I bet I messed up…again. I can’t ever seem to do things right.” Unintentionally the little fish starts to become jealous….Morning comes and the fish gets excited. The boat is back! It swims to the boat, but only to repeat the same cycle it did once before.
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