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Sleeping These Demons Away

Posted on by KDP

Tossing and turning in this restless slumber. Another nightmare. I can’t remember the last time I had a decent amount of sleep. The devil is busy again tonight. Though my eyes lie shut, there is this continuous struggle to fight the pull of the enemy. I refuse to let him win. I will not let him bring yet another child of God into his house of evil doing and torture. As I toss the sheets off of me, I kneel at the edge of my bed. With my hands together, palm to palm, I pray to you Lord to give me the strength to fight these demons. My eyes are heavy with exhaustion. My dreams are filled with lust, anger, jealousy, and greed. The feeling of darkness would come over me and once again I awake from my sleep; unsettled and afraid. You have brought me out of the storm of doubt, the ocean of confusion, and the shambles of hopelessness. You have done it before and my faith knows you can do it again. Now I come to you once more to help bring me to the peaceful oasis of my slumber. Your power will always be greater than the enemy’s, and your grace redefines why You are the one I seek for healing. These restless nights cannot continue.

As I lay back in bed, I take one last deep breath of reassurance. This is the night that I will no longer allow these demons to keep my mind wandering throughout the night. Tonight is the night I will be sleeping these demons away.

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Unwanted Pressure

Posted on by KDP

I am not a trophy that you can just display on a shelf. I am not your showcase and I don’t wish to be in the spotlight. I have no materialistic value contrary to how some may treat me.  My life has more meaning than you opening your mouth and yelling to someone you know “Hey this is my _____. She goes to college and studying to be a doctor.”  This is the token line I have heard for years and it gets so irritating because the main ones saying it are also the ones I never hear from unless they want something. The expectation to know everything is frustrating because I clearly do not or care to know everything. It would be great if people comprehended that. Yes I go to school and have gotten further than most in my family but can I PLEASE breathe for once. I also understand it can be a good feeling to have someone you know, love, or care about succeed. But I am human, I make mistakes; however, according to those around me that is not possible. If I mess up, then I mess it up for everyone because apparently I did not get the memo that I am living a life for other’s satisfaction. I only get acknowledged when I seem as if I can do no wrong and everything is going as planned. But the moment I trip or stumble, no one is there to catch me. Get off of me, everyone just get off of me! Do you not realize that you are the main cause for my mental instability? I feel as though I am a walking puppet and everyone is just tugging at my strings trying to benefit from my abilities. I would love to be able to live my life the way I feel is right. Stop telling me what I should do and how I should do it. Disappointment may occur along the process but don’t act as if I committed the ultimate sin. Feeling as though everyone around you is counting on you to make a change they seek is one of the heaviest loads I have to carry. How about instead of sitting back and watching my legs cave in from these expectations, get your selfish butt up and carry your own weight. I am not the key to your wanted glory.

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The Butterfly Effect

Posted on by KDP

Why is it that something so small can carry so much value? A slight change in tone can hide good intentions. One’s assumption can destroy another’s name. A single lie can instantly permanently alter one’s perspective of another and/or lose their trust. One little mistake seems to change the entire meaning of things. One wrong move and it changes the course of the game. Making a sharp right rather than a slow left turns a clear path into a serrated mystery. What was once non-detachable is now distant beyond measure. Blinded by your current disposition, the willingness to give in and let everything you have worked so hard for go to waste feels like your only way out. Look at how much power one small element can hold. The path that was laid down is constantly being recreated. Damaging one moment only to be restored the next. Though the foundations of our interwoven spirits seem immune to destruction, these sensitive yet chaotic conditions cannot continue like this. Love, for another, cannot continue like this.

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The Elephant in the Room

Posted on by KDP

Everyone is looking around as if they do not see what I see. Giving such a loud statement, the problem is quit obvious from the looks on everyone’s face. But still no one wants to acknowledge it. In their eyes, if they do not want to believe the truth then to them it isn’t real. Intra-group relations can be more dangerous and damaging to the mind than outside interactions. Why do you all continue to stay silent? Don’t you realize that this problem is tearing everyone apart? Secrecy and lies are not the solution. Someone needs to speak up. Fine I guess I will. However, if I do come forward, all the potential backlash will be on my hands. Being the leader does have its cons. Is it worth it? Maybe that is what’s going through everyone’s mind in this room at this very moment. The atmosphere is so quiet that one slight movement or noise could sound like a massive explosion. And yet here I am acting just like the people surrounding me. Not stepping forward and addressing the situation. So why am I still complaining. So much time has passed and still nothing. Not even from me, though I am standing here wanting this change to happen promptly. Wanting someone, anyone to say something. The anticipation was making me anxious. But as I look around the room again, I begin to realize, there is a reason everyone in the room was afraid to say anything. The loud statement; that problem, was me…