Encouraging, mentoring, and loving are just apart of who I am and what I do. But lately, at times, it seems like I don’t have the energy to keep on giving. Compassion fatigue has been annoyingly knocking at my residence and although it can be very tempting to let it in and complain, I thank God for providing me with the opportunity to help others. It is not easy for everyone to just love I understand that and being able to maintain that momentum isn’t easy, especially when 1) you have your own life to live and a million other things on your plate and 2) the feeling isn’t always returned. Yes, it gets overwhelming at times, but I have a responsibility that I must fulfill. I try to make sure I am not giving so much that I forget to take care of myself during the process which is the reason I keep my Father close. Over the years, I have watched some of the most broken and dark-hearted people become successful individuals as a result of my love. Some of my proudest days are not found in the moments that I helped them or when they accepted my help. My proudest days are when they actually appreciate it and extend that love to others they feel are in need. One of the greatest feelings in the world for me. I understand that serving requires selfless thinking and unconditional love. I guess the purpose of this message is to encourage and remind those who can relate to these moments to remember who you are. It is more than you, it is more than me. It has always been about Him.
Category: Uncategorized
My Practice is My Passion
Dear KDP,
As another chapter in your life starts to unfold, and you begin this new journey as a fellow, it is important for you to continuously raise the bar for yourself. Life has its many obstacles but remain strong and keep your faith as your number one priority. Growing closer to God will always be your main goal and don’t let anyone steer you from that. However, there are additional goals that you need to set for these next two years:
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Don’t limit yourself- Every opportunity you had has provided you with quality skills that you have been able to capitalize on and get you to this point.
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Comfortability is boring- Challenge yourself daily with your tasks and projects but don’t fear failure for you only fail when you don’t try. Most people fear change but you understand that change is inevitable. So continue to embrace it and enjoy life while giving back to others.
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Connect- You have told yourself time and time again that one of the best attributes a person can have is the ability to develop a conversation. Use your unique way of communicating to help expand organizational networks in efforts to rebuild strong communities and break the many barriers to quality health for vulnerable populations.
- Chose to Lead- regardless of your status or position, being a leader to those who need you is your calling. But also know when to follow because not every situation requires you to be at the forefront.
You have always stood out from the norm and taken the road less traveled . Although these goals will test your passion, never forget the overall purpose of this fellowship opportunity and that is growth. Be humbled by the good and appreciate the bad for both made you whom you are today. Looking in your rearview is not an option. Now smile woman, you have lives to change and inspire. Your story doesn’t end with Chapter 24.
Love always,
You
Believer, Leader, Postcard collector 🙂
Chapter 24
There are times where I find myself wanting to hold on to the lies, betrayal, and ill intentions. Limiting communication sometimes becomes second nature when rejection is the reaction you understand the most. Wanting to keep close friends and family at a distance because those I wished were closer abused our relationship or vanished when I was at my darkest. It’s crazy how little things will trigger those memories and cloud my judgement. But I won’t give in. Those memories humbled me and brought wisdom to my life. I know I wasn’t perfect and now the want to forgive has overwhelmed my spirit. As I look to the heavens above I quickly remember the grace the Lord has shown me over the years. I thank God that my body didn’t give way to the damage and my heart healed enough to give life, love, and faith another chance. I’m thankful the few loved ones that stayed around accepted my unusual touch and pierced light into my darkness. I found what I truly believe to be lasting love in this world filled with so much hate. It’s funny how I only been actively seeking my Savior for a few years yet every moment where failure, destruction, or even death knocked on my door, He blocked the noise long enough for me to forget they were there.
No More Fighting
Hesitance traps my mind as my body becomes stiff. The answers I seek are clear yet why do I stand still? Why do I keep finding myself in these situations? Questioning the answers I have prayed for over and over again. Why do I let fear enslave me? What is it about change and progress that causes me to challenge my destiny? Is it the potential destructive and manipulative ability this mind can achieve what I fear? The parallel relationship of its power and vulnerability reveals the malleability of my current state of being. I feel so much pressure and responsibility being added to these exhausted feet, but the more I try to fight it, the harder it becomes to see. My reluctance is making me weak. Resistance has become tiring; I must let go. I have to surrender if I hope to reach His throne.
Reach
I reach for the light as my Father becomes more distant to my eyes. I scream yet no sound leaves my lips. Tears only add to the depth of this ocean I have created so no use in crying. My mind gradually sinks into the darkness while my heart beat begins to race with time. My lungs give way to the pressure as one standing memory flashes before me. But just when I thought He was getting tired of saving this lost soul, I hear a loud voice say, “My child, reach!”
Vena Amoris
I worry about this love I give and it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere. Fear of loss limits his decisions while my impatience guides mine. Content seems to have set in and I don’t know where to go from here. I sin out of love, but is that love worth loosing His? Is the love he and I share become tainted? Is it wrong to start doubting a happy ending? I pray but my Father’s voice seems to drift further away from me as this weary mind entraps me. I hunger for time, answers, and Him yet I comfort myself with material things. There are days where I feel His spirit sit next to me and without saying a word, His Love calms this unsteady heartbeat. But other days, this heart becomes faint because I feel like I don’t deserve Him. So many blessings have come my way; however, I am ashamed of this lukewarm faith. What is the point of getting what I want if I don’t keep my Father near me? How do I restore this Love between You and I? Could you ever forgive this fickle heart of mine? Can We start anew?…With great sorrow I ask the Lord to speak to me. I am understanding more than ever that His Love isn’t just a safe haven for me, it is the very life I breathe.
Gum
So many of us spend our lives today trying not to offend the next person, not realizing we are slowly losing ourselves in the process. We try to be this good person that everyone sees and act like their approval will save us. We hear but we don’t listen. We say so much and nothing in the same breath. Our goals and passions are superficial because of what we want others to see. Logical situations and ideas are not really logical, they’re common, so that’s what we go by. If we really want to make a difference then why do we try so hard to please? I mean not one of the men God chose was immune to earthly scrutiny, so why would anyone base their accomplishments off of how many people acknowledge them? Like one’s body, you get out what you put in. Unfortunately, it seems like chewing gum still remains the popular trend. So sweet at first bite, the flavor and enjoyment lasts only for a moment. Slowly sucking out the sustenance within our bodies and leaving our stomachs empty, we fail to realize the infection we have created within our minds. Damaging each other just to keep from growing up, but so quick to help when someone asks us for a piece of gum.
Micah 7:8
Maybe these situations are Your way of telling me I am not close enough to You. Is there something that I am not seeing? Recently it seems as though I have been getting hit with boulders right and left. That tunnel leading to the beautiful sunrise is slowly collapsing. My energy is dissipating from every bone in my body. I’m trying to put up one last fight but I feel it may all be for nothing. Why do you allow my oppressors to hurt me? I pray for them because I don’t want to be angry and I must forgive. I know if I give in to this temptation of rage then I am no better than them. So I pray for You to give me peace and help me to stay focused on Your future for me. I’m learning more and more about how cruel life can really be. I am accepting of Your will and now I ask, “Lord what is Your next move with me?”
A New Day
So many times my silence and clouded eyes were unpredictable and the darkness that surrounded the light appeared to be inevitable.
But with each new day I embellish my mind with this thought of this new beginning. This new journey; seeing as living in the shadows is no longer comforting.
Prayer has become my new norm even when my heart beat elevates. I find solitude in knowing my Savior although sometimes I can’t seem to explain my pain.
I am thankful for each sunrise and humbled by the sunsets. Time has brought a new meaning of living and I try my best to bask in each moment.
Memories have become meaningful as laughs are filled with joy. My spirit has calmed, no more raging noise.
Letting go and letting God is healing more than just wounds…it is healing my soul. I walk to Him on my own, but know I am never alone.
Although human flaws continue to follow me, I remain of good faith. Something about knowing that my sins don’t define me gives me strength.
Even in the mist of error, I keep His promise close. His Love has no limits, no boundaries, and that’s what I hold on to the most.
I have learned to listen to this world in a different tune. More importantly, I have learned not to start each day looking in my rearview.
A Wounded Sheep
My heart caves in as I listen to his cries. I feel helpless to his pain. All I can do is cover the wounds, but Lord it is You that he needs. I can only wipe away so many tears before he starts to become numb to my efforts. And as he cries out to You, I follow his lead because his wounds are overwhelming me. So much pain for one to bare. Lord I am trying to understand Your reasoning behind this man’s despair? I pray constantly for his healing. He doesn’t feel as though he was meant to lead and he doesn’t believe he will find peace. He feels as though he has sacrificed so much, including friends and family, only to gain so little. It is becoming harder to show him the truth that lies behind those regular thoughts. God help me to become the strength he needs. Help me bring his worries at ease. Reach out to him and let him know You are here and You hear his cries. I do try to tell myself that there is triumph waiting on the other side, but as the days go by, I start to feel the need to take blame for his many restless nights.
TheKiaraProject 