I still cry, get angry, sad, doubtful at times, and confused. I will admit there have even been times when I just wanted to give up. Just because I am building a relationship with God, does not mean I am perfect or ever will be. I am just doing that…building. I will have my setbacks and relapses because as a child of God, that is a predicament that comes with the territory. My goal in life is to get closer to the Man who has made it possible for me to be on this earth. In return, He will make me into the woman He wants me to be, contributing to this world the way I was meant to. And this journey is far from easy. In fact it is the hardest decision I have made. There are a lot of earthly pleasures that one must give up when accepting God into their lives. And though you make up your mind to do something, many times God has His way of showing you that that was not His plan for you. It can be very frustrating, especially when what you want and what He wants do not add up. But it is a learning process. This relationship involves a lot of tests and trials that I cannot control, which as a human is difficult to accept at times. But I will say that every moment is worth it, good and bad. I am always learning something new about myself and life itself. It has helped me to appreciate and love my Lord and Savior more than ever. It becomes a craving; sweeter than honey itself. A craving I hope will never end as long as I am living. No, finding God is not all daisies and roses, but then again how can one truly understand the meaning of growth, faith, and love without some hardships?
Category: Uncategorized
God Please Forgive Me
I have failed you again God. Why do You continue to put up with me? This anger that I thought was gone for good, I have let back into my life. Why do I let these people get to me? Their negativity has become more intolerable and it is sad because they are my family. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I get so angry. My mind starts to think of the most hurtful things to say, but then I know I would be no better than they are, regardless if those things were true. Even if I keep these thoughts in my mind and never say them verbally, it is still sin and I am here to repent. I try to be more positive even in the mist of their drama but I feel as though I am failing more than succeeding. At times I don’t want to believe there is positivity in them underneath the surface. But again, I am judging them just like they judge me. Lord please help me to get rid of this anger. I don’t want to let their ways ruin the person You are creating me to be. I love this new relationship I am building with You and I don’t want to hinder it in any way. These generational demons end with ME! God, I give you my troubles because my faith knows that You will calm my storms. Your child is in need of healing and You are the only one I choose to call on.
If Only It Were That Easy
If love came knocking at your door again, would you let it in this time? If time had an expiration date on it, would you then make use of it? What if you could not get a second chance, would you try harder the first time? What if your options were limited, would you then choose wisely? What if telling that special person how you really feel was easier, would you still hesitate to tell them what they mean to you? How would you change your approach to the situation if you knew the end result before hand? Would your decisions be different if there were no repercussions? If you knew how long you had to wait to get what you asked for, would you then have more patience for it? What if a relationship was predictable, would you then try as hard to fight for it? If God’s purpose for your life did not include hardships, would you still run away from it? If loving someone was simple and did not include heartache, would you be more willing to explore it? If your life did not have an ending, would you still appreciate the true value of living it?
Bleeding Endless Love
So much love traveling through these arteries with no specific destination. Full of life that not everyone welcomes but that is ok. But still this love keeps pouring through my skin, hoping to warm the hearts of others who will allow it. I don’t want any bandages; these are pores that I choose to let bleed endlessly. Traveling through my body like a never ending cycle of poetic liberations. Why should I limit this love that has helped so many whether they acknowledge it or not? This is who I am and not everyone has the privilege to have a gift like mine. I do not worry about getting anything in return. I am humbled and replenished just by the positive impact I bring upon others. My value on this earth will not be in vain for my God has told me so. He has made me into His own image He knew was best for me and I am glorifying His name for it…Slowly starting to put the pieces together on my purpose in this world. As long as these pores keep bleeding, this love will forever warm the hearts of those around me.
Rebuking Those “Sweet” Kisses
So gentle and swift in your movement, no one realizes the death in your eyes. Everything you touch turns to ashes while your lips continue to pry on the weak. Their soft texture and volume create an illusion that has those you connect with craving for more. There is no soul in those dark eyes…What is it that you seek serpent? You cannot have me. I will live my life without you hovering over me with those “sweet kisses”. I rebuke any and every aspect of your existence. You coward, why do you disguise? Others may have fallen into your wicked ways but you cannot have ME! Leave Satan, your weapons will not prosper here.
Saved by the “Book”
Inhale….The sounds of the music; my music, playing in the background. Oh how it soothes my soul. And as I read the beautiful, yet sometimes perplexing, Words from the Man above, the music begins to fade. The soft sound of my heartbeat takes over and comfort seeps through the pores of my skin. I am at ease and all my troubles slowly echo away into the distance. The concern of a mental relapse can resurface, but none of that matters now. It is our time; my God and I. Our bonding time that we share with no interruptions. We have our own special conversation. Verbal and non-verbal. I may not understand all the ways in which He speaks to me or even all the underlying messages within the Book as I read, but I know He is there. He is always there! Knowing that at first gave my goosebumps but now I am appreciative of His good grace. My God, You are truly amazing in every way. Even the devil himself knows this which is why he tries so hard to break me; however, You my Lord have never forsaken Your children. Accepting God into my life has been the greatest decision I could ever make, though it was not easy. I took a gamble and hit the biggest jackpot in which no human being or earthly machine could dispense. Now though music does soothe my soul, it is only temporary. The love of God and His mercy will follow me forever. Music cannot go everywhere with me. But no matter where I walk, the foot steps of the Lord are right beside me. As I read through the pages, whether it be 5 minutes or an hour, He is guiding me through every word. And when I feel weak or afraid, He wraps His arms around me ever so gently. God has done more than just soothe my soul, He has saved it. I would encourage anyone to pick up that same Book; the Bible. It is a lifesaver, transformer, deliverer, and it will not disappoint. The only requirement is you…. Exhale….Amen
Through the Broken Glass
Through the shattered pieces of glass, one can still see an image. Not a disfigurative image though. No this image reflected a young woman whose face looked as though she had been defeated. Yet she was still here. The face of exhaustion, loneliness, and sadness was all you can see on this young woman’s face. Her eyes told a story; no written words needed. However, unlike most stories, this one in particular did not have an ending. In fact, she was in the moment of creating the next chapter. You see, though we only see a “defeated” woman through the glass, she saw the image of a soldier. Though temporarily wounded, the strength to overcome her battles was still there. Though the devil may find ways to try and shatter her and shake her faith, when this young woman saw that there was still a clear and unbroken image through the broken glass, she knew right then that she had not been defeated and her victory was still to come. She remembers the account of Beth-horon, when Joshua was greatly outnumbered by all the kings of the Canaanites. But through God, Joshua was able to lead Israel to victory, destroying all the kings and continuing to conquer more cities after that…Picking up the pieces from where she left off, the young woman begins to sculpt and reconstruct a plan that she knew would require much dedication and sacrifice. A risk she was willing to take. What was once just pieces of glass, will soon be molded into a radiant and distinct piece of art.
Trail of Tears
Lord please heal me. They keep falling, they just keep falling. As I walk this path, sorrow and guilt only seem to seep in deeper within the pores of my skin. Will these tears ever go away? Even the ground beneath my feet rebukes these tears. Everything is fading from my grasp. It is like I am taking the life out of everything and everyone I touch. Drowning myself in tears yet so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Dehydration is setting in and I am becoming more faint. But I still push forward along this trail praying that my God is only using me for something greater in the end. He says that He “will never leave me nor forsake me”. And no matter how heavy these eyes get, I still believe it to be true. But I would be lying if I said this current state of mind is distracting that truth and causing much internal damage. This hit me so unexpectedly. The dark and lonely depression has set in again. Yes, I am depressed and I cannot fight it alone….Lord help me. Please help me!
What is Your Silver Lining?
Hello,
My name is Kiara LaSha` Diggins-Parker. I have a tendency to question everything around me. I fear that the moment I get attached, the overwhelming joy I feel would be short lived. I let my caring nature get the best of me sometimes and can become mentally unstable due to how I interpret others actions and words. I will over think those interpretations and allow that to make me feel worse than I should. I am very anal about organization and time management, which may not seem like a big deal, until you’ve had experiences where those small things caused a noticeable distance between your relationships with others. My patience is more that of a needle in a haystack. Generational demons continuously taunt me. I have hurt many with my words out of anger, frustration, and just plain ignorance. I have followed behind other followers. I have judged many while making excuses for myself. I have cheated people out of the opportunity of loving me and showing how much they care about me; all because I assume they will be just like the rest. I guess what I am trying to say is that…I got a lot going on with me and I am not proud of those things. But wait there is more. I have a tendency to put others before myself. I lack confidence in verbal communication and I am still insecure of my physical appearance. I can keep going but before I digress let me get to the point. If someone as confusing and broken as I, can find restitution and be still worth using in the eyes of God, then I am sure we all can find that peace in the mist of our storms. As simple as it may seem, if you are alive there is a reason for it. Every breath you take will not be in vain. There is always a brighter side to a situation, and there is always a bigger purpose behind our lives. So I ask, what is your silver lining?
P.S. Your silver lining is coming (if it hasn’t already) and it will be so awesome when it does! We are all amazing human-beings in our own way. Embrace and love the renewed you!
Love,
KDP
Turning the Pages
Unlike a book, newsletter, or article, these pages cannot turn back. Memories linger in the back of my mind while time continues to press forward. Turning the pages, not knowing what to expect on the other side, I begin to reminiscence about the many mistakes that I have been able to overcome. I have no regrets because everything in the past was a lesson in its own right. I understand now how any action has a consequence, whether good or bad. Words and how one speaks has more depth, power, and meaning than we realize. There is a difference between being in love with someone and just loving the company of someone; not wanting to be lonely. One wrong movement in the turning of these pages can have a dramatic effect on the outcome of the story. Just because I want certain people to be in my future, does not mean they were meant to be there and their time in my life has in fact run its course. Though I am not perfect, as a human being, a was not created to be.
I have stumbled and fallen so many times, opened the wrong doors, and strayed off the narrow path, but God has always given me the strength to prevail. It is very possible for an individual to be renewed and delivered no matter how dark of a past they had. I know God still has work to do with me so I plan to continue turning these pages until He has finished with me. Look out world, He has a plan for the woman you thought you knew. A new beginning is on the horizon, and its future is looking bright.
It is amazing how accepting God as your Lord and Savior can completely change your perspective on life. I begin to see a lot of things through a different type of lens. What looked green and rich, I can now see was brown and infertile, and vice versa of course. I used to be so cautious and doubtful about what those pages would bring, but now I can carry a smile and understand that everything will work out for the best regardless if it goes against what I wanted. However, I do realize that once those pages are turned, there is no going back.
Taking advantage of the opportunities I have been given is very important to me. Cherishing moments with people I love is an aspect of my life that I should appreciate more. I control my happiness and only I can take it from me. What I allow to hinder my progress is my fault and my fault only. I may hit some walls along the way, but that does not mean I have failed. Some battles just need a little more effort on my part. And on this wall, there is a rope near by and in order to beat this obstacle, I must climb it.
There are over 7 billion people in this world and endless opportunities. Each of us has a limited time on this soil. What is worse is that as we take each breath, we do not know if it will be our last. Life is giving you a gift and the gift is the events that take place between birth and death (The Untethered Soul, 133). So why waste this gift on focusing on what is already done and cannot be changed? A life of freedom and spiritual growth or a life where one feels like they are mentality, emotionally, and spiritually caged in; the choice is up to each of us. And always remember, as you turn your pages, there is someone of Higher order who is always reading them. Try to make those pages worth reading to the end.
TheKiaraProject 