Hands cuffed without a thorough investigation. As I walked into the room, tension filled the atmosphere. Innocence was what I was there to proclaim but for some reason I felt my fate had already been chosen for me. I had no chance here. All I could do was pray that God give me patience and strength. The judge and jury’s eyes were screaming guilty before I even got to make my plea. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? As I try to make my case, anger slowly builds in my heart. I was already caving and they knew it. Tears fell as words became harder to say. My thoughts and my mouth were not communicating for some reason. Yelling was all the prosecutor gave me, wanting me to admit to something I did not do. I refused to give in and let them wrongfully convict me. But that pain and frustration I felt inside wouldn’t go away. If I could just get away to collect my thoughts and calm down. Unfortunately, it was too late. I reacted out of instinct and self-destructed. Everything then became quiet. As I looked around, blank faces stared back at me, the jury lowered their heads in disappointment, and the judge looked at me like I just made his job easier. There was one smile in the room and it was staring me in the face. That is what they really wanted. The truth was never their motive. Breaking me was. They knew I did nothing wrong. I just wanted better for myself but they saw it as me thinking I was better than them. Misery just wanted some company and went out of their way to get it. What makes this situation even worse, is that the blood running through their veins was the same that was running through mine.
Tag: anger
God Please Forgive Me
I have failed you again God. Why do You continue to put up with me? This anger that I thought was gone for good, I have let back into my life. Why do I let these people get to me? Their negativity has become more intolerable and it is sad because they are my family. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I get so angry. My mind starts to think of the most hurtful things to say, but then I know I would be no better than they are, regardless if those things were true. Even if I keep these thoughts in my mind and never say them verbally, it is still sin and I am here to repent. I try to be more positive even in the mist of their drama but I feel as though I am failing more than succeeding. At times I don’t want to believe there is positivity in them underneath the surface. But again, I am judging them just like they judge me. Lord please help me to get rid of this anger. I don’t want to let their ways ruin the person You are creating me to be. I love this new relationship I am building with You and I don’t want to hinder it in any way. These generational demons end with ME! God, I give you my troubles because my faith knows that You will calm my storms. Your child is in need of healing and You are the only one I choose to call on.
TheKiaraProject 