So many of us spend our lives today trying not to offend the next person, not realizing we are slowly losing ourselves in the process. We try to be this good person that everyone sees and act like their approval will save us. We hear but we don’t listen. We say so much and nothing in the same breath. Our goals and passions are superficial because of what we want others to see. Logical situations and ideas are not really logical, they’re common, so that’s what we go by. If we really want to make a difference then why do we try so hard to please? I mean not one of the men God chose was immune to earthly scrutiny, so why would anyone base their accomplishments off of how many people acknowledge them? Like one’s body, you get out what you put in. Unfortunately, it seems like chewing gum still remains the popular trend. So sweet at first bite, the flavor and enjoyment lasts only for a moment. Slowly sucking out the sustenance within our bodies and leaving our stomachs empty, we fail to realize the infection we have created within our minds. Damaging each other just to keep from growing up, but so quick to help when someone asks us for a piece of gum.
Tag: God
Micah 7:8
Maybe these situations are Your way of telling me I am not close enough to You. Is there something that I am not seeing? Recently it seems as though I have been getting hit with boulders right and left. That tunnel leading to the beautiful sunrise is slowly collapsing. My energy is dissipating from every bone in my body. I’m trying to put up one last fight but I feel it may all be for nothing. Why do you allow my oppressors to hurt me? I pray for them because I don’t want to be angry and I must forgive. I know if I give in to this temptation of rage then I am no better than them. So I pray for You to give me peace and help me to stay focused on Your future for me. I’m learning more and more about how cruel life can really be. I am accepting of Your will and now I ask, “Lord what is Your next move with me?”
A New Day
So many times my silence and clouded eyes were unpredictable and the darkness that surrounded the light appeared to be inevitable.
But with each new day I embellish my mind with this thought of this new beginning. This new journey; seeing as living in the shadows is no longer comforting.
Prayer has become my new norm even when my heart beat elevates. I find solitude in knowing my Savior although sometimes I can’t seem to explain my pain.
I am thankful for each sunrise and humbled by the sunsets. Time has brought a new meaning of living and I try my best to bask in each moment.
Memories have become meaningful as laughs are filled with joy. My spirit has calmed, no more raging noise.
Letting go and letting God is healing more than just wounds…it is healing my soul. I walk to Him on my own, but know I am never alone.
Although human flaws continue to follow me, I remain of good faith. Something about knowing that my sins don’t define me gives me strength.
Even in the mist of error, I keep His promise close. His Love has no limits, no boundaries, and that’s what I hold on to the most.
I have learned to listen to this world in a different tune. More importantly, I have learned not to start each day looking in my rearview.
A Wounded Sheep
My heart caves in as I listen to his cries. I feel helpless to his pain. All I can do is cover the wounds, but Lord it is You that he needs. I can only wipe away so many tears before he starts to become numb to my efforts. And as he cries out to You, I follow his lead because his wounds are overwhelming me. So much pain for one to bare. Lord I am trying to understand Your reasoning behind this man’s despair? I pray constantly for his healing. He doesn’t feel as though he was meant to lead and he doesn’t believe he will find peace. He feels as though he has sacrificed so much, including friends and family, only to gain so little. It is becoming harder to show him the truth that lies behind those regular thoughts. God help me to become the strength he needs. Help me bring his worries at ease. Reach out to him and let him know You are here and You hear his cries. I do try to tell myself that there is triumph waiting on the other side, but as the days go by, I start to feel the need to take blame for his many restless nights.
Trailing New Soil
“Sometimes the place you’re used to is not the place you belong.” That is what He keeps reminding me every time I think about going back home. “Follow me and let your mind be at ease for I will lead you down a path so many are afraid to believe. If you allow your heart to reside in Me, you will find that your only true home is with Me.”…Okay Lord, lead me!
Tired
Why do I feel like the more I try to hold on to faith, the more I seem to lose it? The more I ask him to walk with me the more he wants to refuse.
I focus on the small things in the dark and not paying attention to the light. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the young woman I see is not I.
My mission, my purpose grows further away. I am too impatient and clueless to what is going on. I doubt I will ever be ready.
Been bruised so many times I don’t know when to take a chance at life. I bet He is getting tired of all this whining.
I see happiness around me but can’t discover my own. And the things I want the most seem long gone.
But I am too curious to let go. That seems to be the only thing that is keeping me afloat.
I know it takes time but I don’t want to lie to myself either. This is hard and sometimes I just wonder if You are listening.
I’m tired of these feelings and I don’t want to be angry, but Lord I ask…What do you want from me!!!!????
Gone Fishing
Part one:
He takes his line and applies the bait one more time. Frustrated and confused, He attempts to capture this little and evasive fish. He has already captured this bigger fish and put it in His container on His boat. He has big plans for this big fish and it has made His day. However, this little fish just won’t stop circling his boat. Now every time he tries to reel it in, the fish quickly grabs the bait and swims away. Moments later it returns, circling once again. In His mind He doesn’t understand why this little fish is being like this. He exhales out of frustration and begins to pack up. “Its not ready. Maybe next time”, He says. He leaves the little fish only to return the next day and ends up repeat the same cycle with the same little fish.
Part two:
A little fish spots this big fish heading towards a boat . Its family told the little fish to stay away from such structures but the little fish couldn’t help but follow. As the fish approaches the boat, it sees the big fish purposely circling the boat and when it felt the little fish come by, it made a gesture that meant “follow“. Next thing you know the great fish gets swept up out of the dark waters. The little fish gets closer and starts circling the boat to try and understand what just happened. It soon sees a line with something attached. The little fish quickly grabs it and swims away. Whatever that something was the fish wanted more of it. It begins circling the boat like the big fish but every time the line came done it repeatedly took it and swam away. The little fish didn’t understand what was going on. “Why am I not being picked up out of these dark waters? I did what the other fish did!” Next thing you know the boat starts making this loud rumbling noise and the little fish swims away from it not knowing what’s going on. As moon lights up the sky, the little fish is still in the same spot. Sad and confused. It wanted to know what happened to that bigger fish and why was it inadequate to be lifted. “Why did it give up on me? I bet I messed up…again. I can’t ever seem to do things right.” Unintentionally the little fish starts to become jealous….Morning comes and the fish gets excited. The boat is back! It swims to the boat, but only to repeat the same cycle it did once before.
Taming the Beast
Alone in my room my mind begins to ponder. Staring into space trying to find some answers within the depth of my confusion. I am stressed, but I put on an award-winning poker face. I pray to God for peace. Peace from this chaos that is tearing my soul apart. Peace from this hesitate spirit within me that is too afraid to let go. This burden I put on myself is weighing me down. God asks me, “Why do you harbor so much pain my child? Why won’t you give it to me?” My only response is silence. I have no idea but for some reason I feel I am helping Him by not giving Him all this baggage. I am creating this beast inside convincing myself it is for protection, but in reality it is only draining life from my body. I want to give up but this little thing called faith keeps reminding me of the His love for me. I have never stumbled or fallen without Him being right beside me reaching out His hand. However, as I continue to lay there, my heart grows heavy because this path of faith can be difficult to stay on. As I close my eyes, my heart slows down but my stress remains high. Lord give me peace and save me from the one who stares back at me!
A Road Less Traveled
There was once a time where I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Like I was living a life through someone else’s lens. At times I would feel disgusted with myself for not using my voice. I hated the fact that I would not speak in fear of what others would think about me. The last thing I wanted to do was create a negative image in everyone’s head and disappoint anyone. Momma always said to protect your name and I guess I took it too close to heart because it resulted in others manipulating me and taking advantage of my quietness. That voice locked up in the back of my throat just wanting to get out but fear stood in the way. I remember how anytime I tried to stand up for myself, people would chastise me, so again I went into hiding. As I aged, I soon realized that my ability to stand outside of the crowd was not a mistake but a unique blessing. There was a time where my knowledge felt more like a tool for others and a burden to myself. Education was seen as an escape for me, not an advantage. I just felt as though we were all in the same boat but as I was rowing forward, they decided not to row at all out of comfort. Looking back, people used to only view me as someone who could get a degree. I found myself wondering how could someone who seemed so fragile throughout her upbringing survive in such a negative environment and cruel world we live in today? Fast forward to today, I look back at those memories not in anger, regret, or disappointment as I once did. I see them as building blocks to my growth. I am more than just a degree and have witnessed great changes in other’s lives around me by just being me. I have seen the great change in me. That is what makes me happy. That is what God has shown me! This isn’t a road traveled on by most but now I am starting to get a taste of why those who have don’t turn back.
The Journey Home
My two hands try to reach behind me as my feet continue to run forward. I want to take them with me, but I know I can’t because this is a journey that one must choose for themselves. As He continues to call my name, my heart cries out as I know it is time to let go. I don’t want to leave them but I have to. Then He shows me that the ones I hold closest to me are also the ones holding me back. Keeping me from truly grasping the grace and mercy of my Lord. Stuck in denial, my legs become heavy from trying to hold on. I slowly lose my grip and tears begin to fall. I can’t imagine doing this on my own. My Lord then speaks to me reminding me of the many times I felt broken but was still able to walk and the many knifes that stabbed me in the back yet I did not bleed. I hear the echoes of my name and I turn around one last time. “Please forgive me but it is time!” were my final words to them. The feeling of sorrow seeps through my veins just for a moment. I love them deeply but that love doesn’t compare to the love of the Most High and only through Him can my soul be delivered. Though this is a difficult decision, God has reassured me that my sacrifice will not be in vain. I start moving faster along this glory road now that my hands are free. The Kingdom is my destination. I may stumble a hundred times to get there but right next to me will be my Savior giving me His right hand and staying by my side as I take this not-so-alone journey. Through His love and mercy, my soul will be set free and one day I hope to hear the voice that says “Welcome home My child!”
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