I fight so hard to rid myself of these sins. It’s like I am consumed with finding a “cure” to these chronic diseases. But the more I pray and talk to the Lord, I start to understand that His plan never included me being “cured” of all these sins. All He wanted was for me to put Him first and let him take control. Sin will always come around but my obedience to Him is what will determine my fate. And during these talks with my Father I have realized that I have mistaken conquering for curing. Some of my struggles may come up from time to time, but what is important is how I react to those situations now vs then. And with God first, there can only be triumph from here.
Tag: growth
My Practice is My Passion
Dear KDP,
As another chapter in your life starts to unfold, and you begin this new journey as a fellow, it is important for you to continuously raise the bar for yourself. Life has its many obstacles but remain strong and keep your faith as your number one priority. Growing closer to God will always be your main goal and don’t let anyone steer you from that. However, there are additional goals that you need to set for these next two years:
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Don’t limit yourself- Every opportunity you had has provided you with quality skills that you have been able to capitalize on and get you to this point.
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Comfortability is boring- Challenge yourself daily with your tasks and projects but don’t fear failure for you only fail when you don’t try. Most people fear change but you understand that change is inevitable. So continue to embrace it and enjoy life while giving back to others.
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Connect- You have told yourself time and time again that one of the best attributes a person can have is the ability to develop a conversation. Use your unique way of communicating to help expand organizational networks in efforts to rebuild strong communities and break the many barriers to quality health for vulnerable populations.
- Chose to Lead- regardless of your status or position, being a leader to those who need you is your calling. But also know when to follow because not every situation requires you to be at the forefront.
You have always stood out from the norm and taken the road less traveled . Although these goals will test your passion, never forget the overall purpose of this fellowship opportunity and that is growth. Be humbled by the good and appreciate the bad for both made you whom you are today. Looking in your rearview is not an option. Now smile woman, you have lives to change and inspire. Your story doesn’t end with Chapter 24.
Love always,
You
Believer, Leader, Postcard collector 🙂
Chapter 24
There are times where I find myself wanting to hold on to the lies, betrayal, and ill intentions. Limiting communication sometimes becomes second nature when rejection is the reaction you understand the most. Wanting to keep close friends and family at a distance because those I wished were closer abused our relationship or vanished when I was at my darkest. It’s crazy how little things will trigger those memories and cloud my judgement. But I won’t give in. Those memories humbled me and brought wisdom to my life. I know I wasn’t perfect and now the want to forgive has overwhelmed my spirit. As I look to the heavens above I quickly remember the grace the Lord has shown me over the years. I thank God that my body didn’t give way to the damage and my heart healed enough to give life, love, and faith another chance. I’m thankful the few loved ones that stayed around accepted my unusual touch and pierced light into my darkness. I found what I truly believe to be lasting love in this world filled with so much hate. It’s funny how I only been actively seeking my Savior for a few years yet every moment where failure, destruction, or even death knocked on my door, He blocked the noise long enough for me to forget they were there.
A Road Less Traveled
There was once a time where I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Like I was living a life through someone else’s lens. At times I would feel disgusted with myself for not using my voice. I hated the fact that I would not speak in fear of what others would think about me. The last thing I wanted to do was create a negative image in everyone’s head and disappoint anyone. Momma always said to protect your name and I guess I took it too close to heart because it resulted in others manipulating me and taking advantage of my quietness. That voice locked up in the back of my throat just wanting to get out but fear stood in the way. I remember how anytime I tried to stand up for myself, people would chastise me, so again I went into hiding. As I aged, I soon realized that my ability to stand outside of the crowd was not a mistake but a unique blessing. There was a time where my knowledge felt more like a tool for others and a burden to myself. Education was seen as an escape for me, not an advantage. I just felt as though we were all in the same boat but as I was rowing forward, they decided not to row at all out of comfort. Looking back, people used to only view me as someone who could get a degree. I found myself wondering how could someone who seemed so fragile throughout her upbringing survive in such a negative environment and cruel world we live in today? Fast forward to today, I look back at those memories not in anger, regret, or disappointment as I once did. I see them as building blocks to my growth. I am more than just a degree and have witnessed great changes in other’s lives around me by just being me. I have seen the great change in me. That is what makes me happy. That is what God has shown me! This isn’t a road traveled on by most but now I am starting to get a taste of why those who have don’t turn back.
Not All Daisies and Roses
I still cry, get angry, sad, doubtful at times, and confused. I will admit there have even been times when I just wanted to give up. Just because I am building a relationship with God, does not mean I am perfect or ever will be. I am just doing that…building. I will have my setbacks and relapses because as a child of God, that is a predicament that comes with the territory. My goal in life is to get closer to the Man who has made it possible for me to be on this earth. In return, He will make me into the woman He wants me to be, contributing to this world the way I was meant to. And this journey is far from easy. In fact it is the hardest decision I have made. There are a lot of earthly pleasures that one must give up when accepting God into their lives. And though you make up your mind to do something, many times God has His way of showing you that that was not His plan for you. It can be very frustrating, especially when what you want and what He wants do not add up. But it is a learning process. This relationship involves a lot of tests and trials that I cannot control, which as a human is difficult to accept at times. But I will say that every moment is worth it, good and bad. I am always learning something new about myself and life itself. It has helped me to appreciate and love my Lord and Savior more than ever. It becomes a craving; sweeter than honey itself. A craving I hope will never end as long as I am living. No, finding God is not all daisies and roses, but then again how can one truly understand the meaning of growth, faith, and love without some hardships?
TheKiaraProject 