Sometimes I think we feel as though if we read of Bible, study His Word, and (for some) try to memorize as many scriptures as possible that our problems will go away. Like if we stay obedient to the Word then everything else will fall into place and work itself out. We may even get so caught up in our eyes “being open” and life becoming a little more meaningful that we unintentionally start to ignore those thoughts that crippled us for all those years. But unbeknowest to us, those thoughts never actually went away. You just found a good way to distract yourself from them. That is where the triggers come into play. You are starting to enjoy the beautiful life God has given you after so many setbacks then out of nowhere you become upset, agitated, impatient, selfish, doubtful, etc for no justifiable reason. The rememberance of pain and fear are the drivers of these triggered reactions but it was the ignored memories that were the source.
So what is our solution? For some, it is continuously going back, trying to find answers and comfort in His Word which in turn helps us to repress that memory or thought once again. But what do you do when that “solution” develops into a toxic habit. Yes, I said toxic because although you are seeking God, it is only really numbing the pain and proving temporary relief. The source of that pain or fear was not actually dealt with so when you are triggered and respond in an inexcusable way, you try to put others in a position where you make them feel as though they should know better and do a better job with interacting with you. This excuse becomes a never ending cycle and while you get to move on from what happened in the moment (your response to being triggered), the person you hurt, now has been treated like crap. All because YOU didn’t deal with your problems. Isn’t it funny (not really) how we are quick to project our past pain onto others as if they are the problem. We quickly become a victim in our own eyes not realizing we are now doing the same thing someone did to us to cause that pain and fear we are repressing (hopefully that isn’t confusing).
And although your actions are understandable, because many of us can relate, that doesn’t make them right. And now you are sitting here in counseling after being screened and accepting your need to let go of the real source for your anxiety and post-traumatic stress out of your mind. You have come to realize that the spiritual growth you were working so hard at has been hindered this whole time because you failed to STOP and reconcile with your residual pain and fear. Sitting here, you finally coming face to face with the real problem and remorse rushes to your heart. Taking a deep breath you remind yourself that it is okay to seek this kind of help. You are understanding that mental health and spiritual health are not always the same and may need to be handled differently. You spent so much time trying to help others and neglected to help yourself first. It is time for a change. God is still there. He has and always will be there. You were never alone….You then take a deep breath and remember that the first step to any recovery is acceptance (and this is usually the hardest part). This minor detour doesn’t change your destiny, it just puts you in a better position to conquer it.
TheKiaraProject 