Tag: help

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The Daydreamer

Posted on by KDP

What the future holds and what I hope to accomplish in my community are never too far from my prefrontal cortex. And even with the excitement of the possibilities, there is also this feeling of anxiety. So many things I am good at but not one sticks out to me as THAT thing. That thing that God targets and builds that stands out from all the rest. That thing in which it is clear what your calling is. That thing that doesn’t send me drifting into uncertainty. It always appears that others have that one distinct thing, but then there’s me.

Sometimes I daydream of what could be or what is to be. And although I am forever grateful, is being a good wife and student all there is to me? Yes, that may sound crazy and Lord I ask you to forgive me. I ask that You please help this daydreamer to see beyond just some blurry images that resemble trees.

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Remembering Who I Am

Posted on by KDP

Encouraging, mentoring, and loving are just apart of who I am and what I do. But lately, at times, it seems like I don’t have the energy to keep on giving. Compassion fatigue has been annoyingly knocking at my residence and although it can be very tempting to let it in and complain, I thank God for providing me with the opportunity to help others. It is not easy for everyone to just love I understand that and being able to maintain that momentum isn’t easy, especially when 1) you have your own life to live and a million other things on your plate and 2) the feeling isn’t always returned. Yes, it gets overwhelming at times, but I have a responsibility that I must fulfill. I try to make sure I am not giving so much that I forget to take care of myself during the process which is the reason I keep my Father close. Over the years, I have watched some of the most broken and dark-hearted people become successful individuals as a result of my love. Some of my proudest days are not found in the moments that I helped them or when they accepted my help. My proudest days are when they actually appreciate it and extend that love to others they feel are in need. One of the greatest feelings in the world for me. I understand that serving requires selfless thinking and unconditional love. I guess the purpose of this message is to encourage and remind those who can relate to these moments to remember who you are. It is more than you, it is more than me. It has always been about Him.

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A Wounded Sheep

Posted on by KDP

My heart caves in as I listen to his cries. I feel helpless to his pain. All I can do is cover the wounds, but Lord it is You that he needs. I can only wipe away so many tears before he starts to become numb to my efforts. And as he cries out to You, I follow his lead because his wounds are overwhelming me. So much pain for one to bare. Lord I am trying to understand Your reasoning behind this man’s despair? I pray constantly for his healing. He doesn’t feel as though he was meant to lead and he doesn’t believe he will find peace. He feels as though he has sacrificed so much, including friends and family, only to gain so little. It is becoming harder to show him the truth that lies behind those regular thoughts. God help me to become the strength he needs. Help me bring his worries at ease. Reach out to him and let him know You are here and You hear his cries. I do try to tell myself that there is triumph waiting on the other side, but as the days go by, I start to feel the need to take blame for his many restless nights. 

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Trail of Tears

Posted on by KDP

Lord please heal me. They keep falling, they just keep falling. As I walk this path, sorrow and guilt only seem to seep in deeper within the pores of my skin. Will these tears ever go away? Even the ground beneath my feet rebukes these tears. Everything is fading from my grasp. It is like I am taking the life out of everything and everyone I touch. Drowning myself in tears yet so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Dehydration is setting in and I am becoming more faint. But I still push forward along this trail praying that my God is only using me for something greater in the end. He says that He “will never leave me nor forsake me”. And no matter how heavy these eyes get, I still believe it to be true. But I would be lying if I said this current state of mind is distracting that truth and causing much internal damage. This hit me so unexpectedly. The dark and lonely depression has set in again. Yes, I am depressed and I cannot fight it alone….Lord help me. Please help me!