Tag: impact

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Saved by the “Book”

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Inhale….The sounds of the music; my music, playing in the background. Oh how it soothes my soul. And as I read the beautiful, yet sometimes perplexing, Words from the Man above, the music begins to fade. The soft sound of my heartbeat takes over and comfort seeps through the pores of my skin. I am at ease and all my troubles slowly echo away into the distance. The concern of a mental relapse can resurface, but none of that matters now. It is our time; my God and I. Our bonding time that we share with no interruptions. We have our own special conversation. Verbal and non-verbal. I may not understand all the ways in which He speaks to me or even all the underlying messages within the Book as I read, but I know He is there. He is always there! Knowing that at first gave my goosebumps but now I am appreciative of His good grace. My God, You are truly amazing in every way. Even the devil himself knows this which is why he tries so hard to break me; however, You my Lord have never forsaken Your children. Accepting God into my life has been the greatest decision I could ever make, though it was not easy. I took a gamble and hit the biggest jackpot in which no human being or earthly machine could dispense. Now though music does soothe my soul, it is only temporary. The love of God and His mercy will follow me forever. Music cannot go everywhere with me. But no matter where I walk, the foot steps of the Lord are right beside me. As I read through the pages, whether it be 5 minutes or an hour, He is guiding me through every word. And when I feel weak or afraid, He wraps His arms around me ever so gently. God has done more than just soothe my soul, He has saved it. I would encourage anyone to pick up that same Book; the Bible. It is a lifesaver, transformer, deliverer, and it will not disappoint. The only requirement is you…. Exhale….Amen

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Unwanted Pressure

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I am not a trophy that you can just display on a shelf. I am not your showcase and I don’t wish to be in the spotlight. I have no materialistic value contrary to how some may treat me.  My life has more meaning than you opening your mouth and yelling to someone you know “Hey this is my _____. She goes to college and studying to be a doctor.”  This is the token line I have heard for years and it gets so irritating because the main ones saying it are also the ones I never hear from unless they want something. The expectation to know everything is frustrating because I clearly do not or care to know everything. It would be great if people comprehended that. Yes I go to school and have gotten further than most in my family but can I PLEASE breathe for once. I also understand it can be a good feeling to have someone you know, love, or care about succeed. But I am human, I make mistakes; however, according to those around me that is not possible. If I mess up, then I mess it up for everyone because apparently I did not get the memo that I am living a life for other’s satisfaction. I only get acknowledged when I seem as if I can do no wrong and everything is going as planned. But the moment I trip or stumble, no one is there to catch me. Get off of me, everyone just get off of me! Do you not realize that you are the main cause for my mental instability? I feel as though I am a walking puppet and everyone is just tugging at my strings trying to benefit from my abilities. I would love to be able to live my life the way I feel is right. Stop telling me what I should do and how I should do it. Disappointment may occur along the process but don’t act as if I committed the ultimate sin. Feeling as though everyone around you is counting on you to make a change they seek is one of the heaviest loads I have to carry. How about instead of sitting back and watching my legs cave in from these expectations, get your selfish butt up and carry your own weight. I am not the key to your wanted glory.

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The Butterfly Effect

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Why is it that something so small can carry so much value? A slight change in tone can hide good intentions. One’s assumption can destroy another’s name. A single lie can instantly permanently alter one’s perspective of another and/or lose their trust. One little mistake seems to change the entire meaning of things. One wrong move and it changes the course of the game. Making a sharp right rather than a slow left turns a clear path into a serrated mystery. What was once non-detachable is now distant beyond measure. Blinded by your current disposition, the willingness to give in and let everything you have worked so hard for go to waste feels like your only way out. Look at how much power one small element can hold. The path that was laid down is constantly being recreated. Damaging one moment only to be restored the next. Though the foundations of our interwoven spirits seem immune to destruction, these sensitive yet chaotic conditions cannot continue like this. Love, for another, cannot continue like this.