We have had our differences in the past, but my father you will always be. No matter how hard you try, there are just some things you cannot hide from me. We share the same blood, as well as some of the same destructive habits. The same need to hide our true battles from the world runs through our veins. I see it eating at the core of your sanity. You say you are fine when honestly your heart is slowly dying inside. Should you stay or go constantly circulates in your mind. The deception and betrayal from loved ones corners you. Anger builds in your heart as trust slowly leaves it. Though we are hundreds of miles away from each other, your pain has become mine. I wish there was a way I could still your troubling heart but I know that is a job only the most High can achieve. I hate to see you in those moods because I know the damage they can create. They may not seem like much until it is too late. I been at that low point and seeing you there would be too much for me to bare. I love you with all my heart and I will continue to pray for your restoration. Please don’t lose hope and always keep your faith close. The enemy is just busy right now, but I know your victory will soon come. You are a strong and courageous man. I am my father’s child, so if I can overcome my struggles, there is no doubt in my heart that you can too. Remember “weeping may ensure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”- Psalms 30:5…I love you Dad.
Tag: love
Woman
Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman that she has become?
I do not recognize this glow in her eyes,
Or this confidence that was once nowhere in site
Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman staring at me?
Before there was this little girl trapped in the darkness of her past,
Trying to convince herself that the pain would somehow pass.
If she stayed distracted, she wouldn’t have to admit she was hurting.
Ironically, it only prolonged her suffering.
But that little girl no longer hides within the shadows.
She walks with elegance and hope; she is unrecognizable.
Who is this woman I see?
Why is this woman fighting for me?
Filled with love and compassion,
Being bound by her past sins is not an option.
While Satan desperately tried to destroy her every which way,
I was certain she would soon break,
But she continuously grabs hold to the One who has given her a reason to stay.
Who is this woman I see?
Why does this woman refuse to give up on me?
The swift movement of a blade she used to see as a way to numb the pain,
But her Savior has given her the strength to persevere through the heavy rain.
A woman thou art loosed from the chains of guilt, hopelessness, and fear.
Overcoming the secret desires that once drew her near,
To the depths of self-destruction and sorrow,
But now those doubts are no longer yesterday’s tomorrow.
She won’t be defeated, even by herself,
She longs to meet the King and will keep fighting until her last breath.
Who is this woman I see?
And why does this woman no longer look like me?
Side Effects
Just the idea of being vulnerable makes your heart cringe. Being emotional is not okay because you know that is when you are most unstable. And you know how much you love to have control over your own life. Nausea sets in the moment you realize that accepting someone in your life also means taking on their baggage. You strategize all the possible ways to break down their walls, but forget you too have you own wall that needs broken. Seems like a never ending battle sometimes and half of the time you don’t even know why. And who wants to argue with someone as stubborn and prideful as they are? Sometimes you can’t stomach the very notion of letting someone else pry into your mind and uncover your deepest thoughts in order to build an intimate relationship with you.The idea of eventually sharing what you have worked so hard to achieve sends you running for cover. The possibly(and many times actuality) of getting your heart broken sends you astray. You don’t have time to be carrying around bandages for the wounds you may get from taking that risk. Sometimes you tell yourself it is better to be alone because it is less stressful and time consuming. Too many distractions and concerns. Plus you don’t always have to consider the feelings of another. You believe it gives you more time you focus on yourself. And in a way, you are absolutely right. But then it happens…
You cannot live without that warm touch from that significant other. Your heart continuously races as love for them grows stronger. Your bones become enriched with hope every time you look into their eyes. It is not something you planned and it hit you so unexpectedly. And now you crave for more. That smile, the same one you see every time, brightens you even when you seem to be at your darkest. Having that special someone know what you are thinking even when you can’t get your words out. Just having someone right there to talk and listen to, who understands you, pulls you in. That sense of wholeness you feel when you are with them, though everything else around you seems incomplete. There is no need to worry about fixing that damaged path of yours alone anymore because there is someone out there who willingly wants to help you fill in those pot holes. Those flaws you carry are within the very core of their reason for loving you. That inner beast inside you is now at peace. Many of those “concerns” of yours will still happen, but that love you feel is so fulfilling that you are willing to risk it all to keep it. Who you are and understanding what it means to love yourself is much clearer. As you mature, you find yourself preparing for a future with that person you tried to convince yourself before would cause too many distractions for you. New signs of life flow through your veins, because you know this can only be a blessing from God. One of your greatest fears has now become one of your most precious and cherished gifts. And to think, you were going to skip out on this amazing opportunity over a few side effects.
The His and Her Project
All he wants to do is love his queen,
But his love is becoming harder for her to see.
Obsessed with a past he cannot amend,
But not wanting to be vulnerable so he pretends.
To put on smile and continue to love her in His own way,
But she knows better and her mind begins to race.
His explosive nature to what he can’t control,
Makes it more challenging to play the role.
Of a lover, partner, and friend.
And he begins to wonder if her questions will ever end.
“Will she ever fully understand and trust my intentions?
Or will this too end like the many other contenders?”
She loves him dearly but fears his mind is too distracted.
He tries to explain why he needs her,
But the words are not coming out the way he expected.
Both are struggling to find a solution,
Not realizing that the answer is in their union.
Their love for another is currently blinded by their fears;
His of loving himself and hers of him letting her in.
This love has shown promise and can win,
But only if these two are willing to let faith in.
Not All Daisies and Roses
I still cry, get angry, sad, doubtful at times, and confused. I will admit there have even been times when I just wanted to give up. Just because I am building a relationship with God, does not mean I am perfect or ever will be. I am just doing that…building. I will have my setbacks and relapses because as a child of God, that is a predicament that comes with the territory. My goal in life is to get closer to the Man who has made it possible for me to be on this earth. In return, He will make me into the woman He wants me to be, contributing to this world the way I was meant to. And this journey is far from easy. In fact it is the hardest decision I have made. There are a lot of earthly pleasures that one must give up when accepting God into their lives. And though you make up your mind to do something, many times God has His way of showing you that that was not His plan for you. It can be very frustrating, especially when what you want and what He wants do not add up. But it is a learning process. This relationship involves a lot of tests and trials that I cannot control, which as a human is difficult to accept at times. But I will say that every moment is worth it, good and bad. I am always learning something new about myself and life itself. It has helped me to appreciate and love my Lord and Savior more than ever. It becomes a craving; sweeter than honey itself. A craving I hope will never end as long as I am living. No, finding God is not all daisies and roses, but then again how can one truly understand the meaning of growth, faith, and love without some hardships?
If Only It Were That Easy
If love came knocking at your door again, would you let it in this time? If time had an expiration date on it, would you then make use of it? What if you could not get a second chance, would you try harder the first time? What if your options were limited, would you then choose wisely? What if telling that special person how you really feel was easier, would you still hesitate to tell them what they mean to you? How would you change your approach to the situation if you knew the end result before hand? Would your decisions be different if there were no repercussions? If you knew how long you had to wait to get what you asked for, would you then have more patience for it? What if a relationship was predictable, would you then try as hard to fight for it? If God’s purpose for your life did not include hardships, would you still run away from it? If loving someone was simple and did not include heartache, would you be more willing to explore it? If your life did not have an ending, would you still appreciate the true value of living it?
Bleeding Endless Love
So much love traveling through these arteries with no specific destination. Full of life that not everyone welcomes but that is ok. But still this love keeps pouring through my skin, hoping to warm the hearts of others who will allow it. I don’t want any bandages; these are pores that I choose to let bleed endlessly. Traveling through my body like a never ending cycle of poetic liberations. Why should I limit this love that has helped so many whether they acknowledge it or not? This is who I am and not everyone has the privilege to have a gift like mine. I do not worry about getting anything in return. I am humbled and replenished just by the positive impact I bring upon others. My value on this earth will not be in vain for my God has told me so. He has made me into His own image He knew was best for me and I am glorifying His name for it…Slowly starting to put the pieces together on my purpose in this world. As long as these pores keep bleeding, this love will forever warm the hearts of those around me.
Saved by the “Book”
Inhale….The sounds of the music; my music, playing in the background. Oh how it soothes my soul. And as I read the beautiful, yet sometimes perplexing, Words from the Man above, the music begins to fade. The soft sound of my heartbeat takes over and comfort seeps through the pores of my skin. I am at ease and all my troubles slowly echo away into the distance. The concern of a mental relapse can resurface, but none of that matters now. It is our time; my God and I. Our bonding time that we share with no interruptions. We have our own special conversation. Verbal and non-verbal. I may not understand all the ways in which He speaks to me or even all the underlying messages within the Book as I read, but I know He is there. He is always there! Knowing that at first gave my goosebumps but now I am appreciative of His good grace. My God, You are truly amazing in every way. Even the devil himself knows this which is why he tries so hard to break me; however, You my Lord have never forsaken Your children. Accepting God into my life has been the greatest decision I could ever make, though it was not easy. I took a gamble and hit the biggest jackpot in which no human being or earthly machine could dispense. Now though music does soothe my soul, it is only temporary. The love of God and His mercy will follow me forever. Music cannot go everywhere with me. But no matter where I walk, the foot steps of the Lord are right beside me. As I read through the pages, whether it be 5 minutes or an hour, He is guiding me through every word. And when I feel weak or afraid, He wraps His arms around me ever so gently. God has done more than just soothe my soul, He has saved it. I would encourage anyone to pick up that same Book; the Bible. It is a lifesaver, transformer, deliverer, and it will not disappoint. The only requirement is you…. Exhale….Amen
What is Your Silver Lining?
Hello,
My name is Kiara LaSha` Diggins-Parker. I have a tendency to question everything around me. I fear that the moment I get attached, the overwhelming joy I feel would be short lived. I let my caring nature get the best of me sometimes and can become mentally unstable due to how I interpret others actions and words. I will over think those interpretations and allow that to make me feel worse than I should. I am very anal about organization and time management, which may not seem like a big deal, until you’ve had experiences where those small things caused a noticeable distance between your relationships with others. My patience is more that of a needle in a haystack. Generational demons continuously taunt me. I have hurt many with my words out of anger, frustration, and just plain ignorance. I have followed behind other followers. I have judged many while making excuses for myself. I have cheated people out of the opportunity of loving me and showing how much they care about me; all because I assume they will be just like the rest. I guess what I am trying to say is that…I got a lot going on with me and I am not proud of those things. But wait there is more. I have a tendency to put others before myself. I lack confidence in verbal communication and I am still insecure of my physical appearance. I can keep going but before I digress let me get to the point. If someone as confusing and broken as I, can find restitution and be still worth using in the eyes of God, then I am sure we all can find that peace in the mist of our storms. As simple as it may seem, if you are alive there is a reason for it. Every breath you take will not be in vain. There is always a brighter side to a situation, and there is always a bigger purpose behind our lives. So I ask, what is your silver lining?
P.S. Your silver lining is coming (if it hasn’t already) and it will be so awesome when it does! We are all amazing human-beings in our own way. Embrace and love the renewed you!
Love,
KDP
The Butterfly Effect
Why is it that something so small can carry so much value? A slight change in tone can hide good intentions. One’s assumption can destroy another’s name. A single lie can instantly permanently alter one’s perspective of another and/or lose their trust. One little mistake seems to change the entire meaning of things. One wrong move and it changes the course of the game. Making a sharp right rather than a slow left turns a clear path into a serrated mystery. What was once non-detachable is now distant beyond measure. Blinded by your current disposition, the willingness to give in and let everything you have worked so hard for go to waste feels like your only way out. Look at how much power one small element can hold. The path that was laid down is constantly being recreated. Damaging one moment only to be restored the next. Though the foundations of our interwoven spirits seem immune to destruction, these sensitive yet chaotic conditions cannot continue like this. Love, for another, cannot continue like this.
TheKiaraProject 