Tag: prayer

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The Collapse

Posted on by KDP

I have seen this occurrence before a few times.

The scenery and the moments that lead up to the event may differ some…

But nevertheless the ending never fails to appear.

These “dreams” don’t feel like a typical dream.

The breaking, the chaos, the screams seem so real.

My body shakes as my eyes try to grasp hold of the sight before me.

As it all drops, the sense of hopelessness and fear rush through my veins.

Lord why am I here?

Prayer is all I can turn to as fate seems to near.

But then I instantly wake up, wondering…

Was this a warning or will it be destiny?

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My loudest silence….

Posted on by KDP

I….I have so much to say yet no words leave these lips.

The fear of self still numbs my spirit.

Lord You know what it is I continue to struggle with.

It comes and goes with an force I can hardly describe.

Father I pray thee forgive these repeated transgressions I commit.

And although I know I am not worthy, through it all, You have shown me grace and mercy.

This is why You Lord will forever be my Savior, my Hope, my Paradigm.

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pRoNe To ErOrR

Posted on by KDP

Drowning in thought is such painful experience. At times I feel paralyzed in a negative state of mind. Just the thought of someone potentially lying, hurting, or deceiving me sends my mind into this dark abyss. I know this darkness is generational which is why I pray constantly for the Lord to take it from me. I want it to end with me. Another innocent soul shouldn’t have to live with this tainted blood of mine. Sometimes I get so trapped that I black out and feel as though my spirit has left me. I don’t know when I will ever be free from this. If only people knew the thoughts that haunt me. Tears fall but I don’t want or feel sympathy for myself. This mental and emotional madness is trying to corrupt me but my God, I know that You will save me!

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A Wounded Sheep

Posted on by KDP

My heart caves in as I listen to his cries. I feel helpless to his pain. All I can do is cover the wounds, but Lord it is You that he needs. I can only wipe away so many tears before he starts to become numb to my efforts. And as he cries out to You, I follow his lead because his wounds are overwhelming me. So much pain for one to bare. Lord I am trying to understand Your reasoning behind this man’s despair? I pray constantly for his healing. He doesn’t feel as though he was meant to lead and he doesn’t believe he will find peace. He feels as though he has sacrificed so much, including friends and family, only to gain so little. It is becoming harder to show him the truth that lies behind those regular thoughts. God help me to become the strength he needs. Help me bring his worries at ease. Reach out to him and let him know You are here and You hear his cries. I do try to tell myself that there is triumph waiting on the other side, but as the days go by, I start to feel the need to take blame for his many restless nights. 

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Late Nights, Early Mornings

Posted on by KDP

I can’t sleep because my overthinking has set in again. So many questions running through my head. Can’t even begin to process them all. My eyes want to close but my mind keeps writing these restless thoughts. So awake I shall be, writing until my fingers are exhausted and bruised. These late nights and early mornings are draining me mentally. God why am I such an over-thinker? It seems to be more of an unnecessary burden for me to have. What greatness could possibly come from this disturbance? I just want a night of mental peace and I long for those mornings where my mind is running stress free. I pray for that state of serenity. Lord take me under your wings and give me the strength I need to fight whatever it is that is keeping me from a peaceful sleep. Even if that disturbance is me!

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My Wandering Eyes

Posted on by KDP

Eyes constantly moving left to right, right to left. I can easily see what is around me, yet blind to the crippling of my own two feet. As I look around, I start feeling as though all eyes are fixed on me, piercing through my skin, looking into my soul. Paranoia sets in; I am holding myself captive in my own mind. Trying to protect myself from what isn’t there. An illusionist hero. But soon paranoia turns into sickness. I now understand that this mental captivity I put myself in and this illusion I created is destroying me. I am my own disease…God I come to You for peace. Take this burden away from me before it consumes me any further. Cleanse my eyes and restore my mind. Help me to stay on your everlasting path of righteousness and redemption. I don’t want these wandering eyes to deceive me from this day forward…I must control these thoughts before it becomes very difficult for me to tell the difference between what I see and reality.

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God Please Forgive Me

Posted on by KDP

I have failed you again God. Why do You continue to put up with me? This anger that I thought was gone for good, I have let back into my life. Why do I let these people get to me? Their negativity has become more intolerable and it is sad because they are my family. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I get so angry. My mind starts to think of the most hurtful things to say, but then I know I would be no better than they are, regardless if those things were true. Even if I keep these thoughts in my mind and never say them verbally, it is still sin and I am here to repent. I try to be more positive even in the mist of their drama but I feel as though I am failing more than succeeding. At times I don’t want to believe there is positivity in them underneath the surface. But again, I am judging them just like they judge me. Lord please help me to get rid of this anger. I don’t want to let their ways ruin the person You are creating me to be. I love this new relationship I am building with You and I don’t want to hinder it in any way. These generational demons end with ME! God, I give you my troubles because my faith knows that You will calm my storms. Your child is in need of healing and You are the only one I choose to call on.