reflections – TheKiaraProject

Your movements are like an ocean without the tidal waves. You flow with calming persistence.

Your armor is that of steel plates that seem impenetrable. No earthly weapons forged can withstand the power of your resistance.

Your pride carries an unwavering tune that stifles all surrounding thoughts and opinions. What else can be said that is not already displayed?

The melodies of your heart shout with passion and, interestingly enough, some confusion. Almost as if you are demonstrating the essence of determination.

Your mind is awakened with eagerness to expand its potential. Turning the pages as if there is a neverending supply of unsaturated material.

The soft touch of your hands can bring motivation and hope behind possibilities. Can it be a matter of coincidence that they are most guarded in spaces that bring them peace?

Now even with that display of prowess, you still have yet to understand the truth behind the eyes you see. For some reason you are still left wondering how a smile and strength can hide one’s own incompetence to identifying their true greatness.

What more do you seek? What is there left to see? Could it be that this mirrored reflection is only a distraction from the timeless and subtle feeling of fear underneath?

Has it finally hit you that this method of protection and safety is obsolete? No need to ponder more on what is unknown, because at the end of it all what matters is Who you have known.

What is greatness without the acknowledgement that you will never be fully in control, especially when pushing beyond expectations can take its toll.

Why work so hard to show others your capabilities when you have yet to grasp the person you see? Home is where the heart is but what is home without Him in it?

Now I ask you again…what is your true conviction?

This new chapter in my life has had so many unexpected turns and challenges. However, there have also been many great lessons and answers I have received as well. It can take a mental toll on me at times, but I have come to a point in my life where I try to embrace the bad and remain grateful through the good. I have become more quiet because I needed to rediscover myself and understand my position in life. Although I enjoy helping and being there for others in need, I felt as if I forgot to include myself in that equation. The drive to naturally want to be there for others and reach out can become very overwhelming, and I can easily put myself in situations where I become too anxious or disappointed by my expectations of others and even myself. This has resulted in me doing a lot of writing, reflecting, and praying over the years.

I have let some into my world, but unfortunately have come to terms that “saving” what was once there isn’t necessary and walking away (loving from a distance) is best. I hate that I can let one thing, person, or situation have more power over my mind than all the good around it. I literally had to stop myself one day and give myself this girl you tripping look 😒 because so many of my prayers have been answered and needs met even when I didn’t deserve any of it. I have gained so many unexpected yet amazing friendships, fellowships (in Christ), and extended family members over these past several years, so losing a few is nothing and I have to be more grateful for that.

In my professional (and personal) life, mental health has become so important to me for many reasons. I have learned that growth, confidence, success, change and peace all begin with the same thing…your mindset. I chose my profession as an epidemiologist because it allowed me to see the bigger picture of the health burdens we face, be that voice for others, and reach people in need where they are. Although my primary research interest includes mental and behavioral health among youth and young adults with a focus in trauma or adverse childhood experiences, my love for my work goes beyond that. Psychosocial interventions such as spirituality and social relations play a key role in my efforts, but I have come to realize how crucial it is to improve how we actually approach the topic of mental health, especially in minority communities. Not just in our dialogues, but also in our actions.

We were not brought into this world to just think about ourselves and relying on another flawed individual for validation or acceptance is exhausting. I would challenge others to really think about what you bring to the table. How are you actually making a difference to those around you and those you serve in your profession and life? Are you really doing what is right or doing what is comfortable? Don’t be afraid to stray away from the flock. Comfortability doesn’t provide an opportunity for growth or wisdom. Comfortability is what limits us, weakens us, divides us.

Through the losses and achievements, I continue to move forward and try not to look in my rearview. These things are apart of who I am and serving others is what I do. The lessons I’ve learned have been invaluable and my love to be in the presence of God has grown immensely. Not everyone has or will appreciate my touch, but that’s okay because I continue to serve a higher purpose and not all will understand it. At the end of the day, I am a servant of God, a wife, and a mother (in that order). I have been enjoying this transformation and look forward to this woman staring back at me ❤.

Until next time….✌

Love,

KDP