Tag: relationships

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Scratch Paper

Posted on by KDP

It’s not going through it that I tend to get caught up in; it’s what I might see at the end that can have me in a chokehold at times….

Walking away was my resolve. I surprisingly do not feel much guilt anymore (bad habit of mine). It’s just that the steps that have followed years later can at times sting a little….

I am aware that honey can run across these lips just as quickly as venom. Thankfully, the roots of my self control have matured and interestingly, my lips have never tasted sweeter until after being in this desert….

The words “Wife” and “Mommy” still feel so new. But then again, is it ever something you truly get used to? One thing is for sure, I work so hard because deep down I get scared of disappointing either of you….

This chronic daydreamer is just looking to ground her ambitious ideas anywhere that will allow them to flourish….

Writing has become more frequent  yet less structured and complete. One minute the feeling comes to me and the next I care not to finish the thought….

However, even with these incomplete reflections, I can still find peace….

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this too shall pass

Posted on by KDP

Today wasn’t the best and homesickness has set in pretty bad. Comforting faces and personalities have been so distant, I feel like I’m still at the peak of withdrawal. However, I try not to let those sad thoughts seep beneath my skin because I understand why the absence is needed.  Although my heart will always want them near, at the end of the day, wanting You to be my first and last thought will always take precedence. 

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My Partner in Christ

Posted on by KDP

It was your subtle smile and wit that got my attention. Your determination and integrity that grasped my curiosity and made me want you. But there were two distinct qualities you possessed that made me realize how much I needed you. The first is your carefree personality. You don’t hide your true self from others in fear of damaging your reputation. That is the last thing on your mind. Your fun and free spirit cares less about social norms and how others see you and cares more about enjoying what’s around you. You don’t change who you are just because of whom is around you. The other is your ability to forgive and not let situations change your overall love and care for loved ones. Some have disappointed you and some relationships appear more one-sided but regardless you still try to be there for others. You want to be there anyway you can and you genuinely want to make sure your loved ones are okay regardless of what you are going through. Yea you want to throw in the towel at times but you quickly remind yourself of your duty to them.

It was those two things that filled those hollow parts of my heart and they are the things that showed me how God was moving through you. You helped me understand the difference between being responsible for someone and having a responsibility to someone. I honestly thought after all these years there wouldn’t be much you could do to surprise me now but I was wrong. After almost 7 years, and witnessing your journey of pain, happiness, confusion and understanding, I have seen the greater meaning of life through your eyes. When you brought me to the house of God and showed His love to me so effortlessly, I wanted to build my own relationship with Him. I thank the Lord above for you being in my life. Calling you my love, bestfriend, spiritual partner, and teammate, while being able to share these experiences with you, is one of the most beautiful gifts I could ever receive from God.

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Chapter 24

Posted on by KDP

There are times where I find myself wanting to hold on to the lies, betrayal, and ill intentions. Limiting communication sometimes becomes second nature when rejection is the reaction you understand the most. Wanting to keep close friends and family at a distance because those I wished were closer abused our relationship or vanished when I was at my darkest. It’s crazy how little things will trigger those memories and cloud my judgement. But I won’t give in. Those memories humbled me and brought wisdom to my life. I know I wasn’t perfect and now the want to forgive has overwhelmed my spirit. As I look to the heavens above I quickly remember the grace the Lord has shown me over the years. I thank God that my body didn’t give way to the damage and my heart healed enough to give life, love, and faith another chance. I’m thankful the few loved ones that stayed around accepted my unusual touch and pierced light into my darkness. I found what I truly believe to be lasting love in this world filled with so much hate. It’s funny how I only been actively seeking my Savior for a few years yet every moment where failure, destruction, or even death knocked on my door, He blocked the noise long enough for me to forget they were there.

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Vena Amoris

Posted on by KDP

I worry about this love I give and it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere. Fear of loss limits his decisions while my impatience guides mine. Content seems to have set in and I don’t know where to go from here. I sin out of love, but is that love worth loosing His? Is the love he and I share become tainted? Is it wrong to start doubting a happy ending? I pray but my Father’s voice seems to drift further away from me as this weary mind entraps me. I hunger for time, answers, and Him yet I comfort myself with material things. There are days where I feel His spirit sit next to me and without saying a word, His Love calms this unsteady heartbeat. But other days, this heart becomes faint because I feel like I don’t deserve Him. So many blessings have come my way; however, I am ashamed of this lukewarm faith. What is the point of getting what I want if I don’t keep my Father near me? How do I restore this Love between You and I? Could you ever forgive this fickle heart of mine? Can We start anew?…With great sorrow I ask the Lord to speak to me. I am understanding more than ever that His Love isn’t just a safe haven for me, it is the very life I breathe.

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Warm Skin

Posted on by KDP

It is not often that your mind and body are at one so you contemplate. How do I proceed? Honest affection has become sexual greed. Even love between two good souls can still bring about a destruction end. Once you’ve moved the palm of your hand softly across their gentle skin, your mind convinces you that there is only one way to go from here. As your temperature rises, there is a slight hesitation. Do you keep caressing their body while admiring their beauty? Or do you stop in efforts to protect this sacred being from your poisoned ideology? As your subconscious tries to process these questions your eyes has already made a decision for you that you can’t seem to resist. So soft, so warm, so nurturing. They too have become susceptible to your touch. You don’t want to stop and why should you? I mean what’s wrong with exploring the physicality of the one you are in love with?… As you start to drown yourself in an ocean of lustful bliss, your mind sends you into the depths of a spiritual dilemma. Yes this beautiful skin is too tempting to ignore, but is it worth the guilt you will soon endure?

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Mi Amour

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He is standing off in the distance admiring me. Even after so many years he still gets to me. I restrain from smiling, because I don’t want to make it that easy, and in the back of my mind I am wondering what keeps him interested. He gestures for me to walk along side of him; side by side as the sun begins to set. I hesitantly move towards his direction as he gives me his undivided attention. I can’t hold my crooked smile in anymore. He begins to act silly to break me out of this habit and even with everyone looking at him he doesn’t care. He never takes his eyes off of me. Little does he know that is one of the reasons I am drawn to him. Not the gifts he brings or the many places we traveled to together. It is his ability to keep a mind of his own no matter the setting. His attention is me and it shows beautifully. Nothing right now could kill this mood. As I draw near, he grabs my hand and playfully sings Maxwell’s This Woman’s Work. I can’t help but laugh while holding his hand tighter. He wins and he knows it, but he also knows I won’t admit it. I know moments can’t last forever but for once I wished time stood still.

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Interconnections

Posted on by KDP

I want your love,
I want your pain,
I want your light in the darkest of days.
I need you here,
I need you near,
I need you now more than ever.
I love your faith,
I love your strength,
I love how you make me feel strong when I feel weak.
As my partner,
Or as my friend,
As an interconnection to finding myself within.
You bring me joy,
You bring me hope,
You bring out a part of me that I never knew before.
I thank the Lord for these connections.
I thank the Lord for our progression!

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Selfless Thinking

Posted on by KDP

I just want to love those who care for me,
Hold those who appreciate my touch,
Smile with people who believed in my passion,
Fight for the ones who need me,
Comfort loved ones who are in pain,
Bring laughter to those who don’t judge my character,
Motivate others to follow their dreams,
Lend a hand to those who need help getting to their feet,
Provide my shoulder when they need something to cry on,
Give back to those who wanted the best for me,
And guide those who look up to me.
I just want to love!
But with all this selfless thinking, sometimes I forget…
I must first learn how to love ME!

Posted in dilemma, growth, love, poetry, relationships

The His and Her Project

Posted on by KDP

All he wants to do is love his queen,
But his love is becoming harder for her to see.

Obsessed with a past he cannot amend,
But not wanting to be vulnerable so he pretends.

To put on smile and continue to love her in His own way,
But she knows better and her mind begins to race.

His explosive nature to what he can’t control,
Makes it more challenging to play the role.

Of a lover, partner, and friend.
And he begins to wonder if her questions will ever end.

“Will she ever fully understand and trust my intentions?
Or will this too end like the many other contenders?”

She loves him dearly but fears his mind is too distracted.
He tries to explain why he needs her,
But the words are not coming out the way he expected.

Both are struggling to find a solution,
Not realizing that the answer is in their union.

Their love for another is currently blinded by their fears;
His of loving himself and hers of him letting her in.

This love has shown promise and can win,
But only if these two are willing to let faith in.