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Unstable Signal

I have so much I want to say and yet my heart and mind feel so disconnected from the words…

Where do I begin?

Where do I end?

When does it end?

For a brief moment this self-censorship feels necessary yet wrong at the same time.

Could it be the self-preservation whispering at a distance?

Chaos seems to have become more normalized and the silence around it has become more apparent.

So many cries are being competitively analyzed like compassion is in limited supply.

The luxury of comfort and selfish desire are being exposed in so many.

But then we must become unified once the target has reached their own front door (and only when it has done so).

Their performance has been award worthy if I say so myself.

However, could I be so numb now to the dance that I have started to slowly pivot to that crippling mindset?

Is that why the words, my words….

Sigh.

Yeshua, your clarity is needed for the fighter in me wants to give in to the temptation of disrupting, but my heart cannot help but wonder if my actions are impulsively premature.

Help me to discipline my heart and mind so that my words can reach beyond my cerebrum.

Yes, the signal can seem unstable at times, but it refuses to not seek Your connection.

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Just another day in the office

Days like this cause my mind to wander. Strong smells of coffee, ego, disparity and judgment fill this space around me. The most interesting part is how the moment I start to feel distressed, I have this unbelievably desirous feeling. Not out of fear, doubt, or worry, but out of love. But then again maybe that’s it….I’m desirous of love. Desirous of knowing. Desirous of You! The enemy continues to send its goliaths my way, but all it does is cause my spirit to call out to You more. This resistance to darkness is getting stronger and it feels so good. Thank you Father for this strength!

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No More Fighting

Hesitance traps my mind as my body becomes stiff. The answers I seek are clear yet why do I stand still? Why do I keep finding myself in these situations? Questioning the answers I have prayed for over and over again. Why do I let fear enslave me? What is it about change and progress that causes me to challenge my destiny? Is it the potential destructive and manipulative ability this mind can achieve what I fear? The parallel relationship of its power and vulnerability reveals the malleability of my current state of being. I feel so much pressure and responsibility being added to these exhausted feet, but the more I try to fight it, the harder it becomes to see. My reluctance is making me weak. Resistance has become tiring; I must let go. I have to surrender if I hope to reach His throne.