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Mahogany

Lord I asked you for one, just one. Just one person I could lean on for guidance and learn from their wisdom as I adapt to this new land. But my God, You gave me so much more. I am still in awe to the blessing they have been in my life and for that, I don’t want to disappoint them.

Their eyes filled with hope in my reach. But if I can be honest, I am a little overwhelmed by how proud they are of me. The bond happened unexpectedly as it is hard for me to just open my heart completely to anyone. But somehow Your words became more clear the more I allowed myself to connect with them. I am not used to this feeling. This kind of acceptance and nurturing was unheard of where I am from. You have given me the opportunity to develop fellowships that are effortless and genuine. The wisdom, love, friendship, and guidance that they have brought into my life over these past few years has been so beautiful. Seeing Your Love through their hearts and minds replenishes my spirit. It makes me want to hold on to Your words even tighter.

I always used to dream that I could surround myself with women like me. Women who are not judging each other out of fear, jealousy, or bitterness. Women who support and encourage one another regardless of the chaos that may surround their lives. The relationship works both ways and neither side is afraid to open up to the other and just have an honest conversation. So strong, so humble, so giving. Tears of joy fill my eyes as I find myself praising Your name without even realizing it. Once again Lord, I prayed and You answered. YOU ANSWERED! I cannot thank you enough for these inspirational Women of God but Lord I pray for You to please continue to bless them and their families.

They are passing the baton and though I am nervous, I just remind myself of Your promise.

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Just another day in the office

Days like this cause my mind to wander. Strong smells of coffee, ego, disparity and judgment fill this space around me. The most interesting part is how the moment I start to feel distressed, I have this unbelievably desirous feeling. Not out of fear, doubt, or worry, but out of love. But then again maybe that’s it….I’m desirous of love. Desirous of knowing. Desirous of You! The enemy continues to send its goliaths my way, but all it does is cause my spirit to call out to You more. This resistance to darkness is getting stronger and it feels so good. Thank you Father for this strength!

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Micah 7:8

Maybe these situations are Your way of telling me I am not close enough to You. Is there something that I am not seeing? Recently it seems as though I have been getting hit with boulders right and left. That tunnel leading to the beautiful sunrise is slowly collapsing. My energy is dissipating from every bone in my body. I’m trying to put up one last fight but I feel it may all be for nothing. Why do you allow my oppressors to hurt me? I pray for them because I don’t want to be angry and I must forgive. I know if I give in to this temptation of rage then I am no better than them. So I pray for You to give me peace and help me to stay focused on Your future for me. I’m learning more and more about how cruel life can really be. I am accepting of Your will and now I ask, “Lord what is Your next move with me?”

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Do You Trust Me?

I can’t protect you but I can hold out my hand,
You may not always agree with me but I hope you at least understand.

Your strength is what many hope for,
You are no longer the guy I once knew before.

Past, pain, and patience are your daily battles,
It always seems as though you are going through never-ending trials.

Your mind toys with you even at your best,
While you try to make sense of these unnatural tests.

But whenever you begin to doubt or feel defeat, look to your left.
I don’t have many friends but for those few, I will give my all until there is nothing left.

Not for credit and not for me,
But because I know what it feels like to be mentally empty.

You must not give up on me now,
You are one of the reasons I am able to wear this smile.

It is time to take a chance again with Thee,
So I ask you….Do you trust me?

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Woman

Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman that she has become?

I do not recognize this glow in her eyes,
Or this confidence that was once nowhere in site

Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman staring at me?

Before there was this little girl trapped in the darkness of her past,
Trying to convince herself that the pain would somehow pass.

If she stayed distracted, she wouldn’t have to admit she was hurting.
Ironically, it only prolonged her suffering.

But that little girl no longer hides within the shadows.
She walks with elegance and hope; she is unrecognizable.

Who is this woman I see?
Why is this woman fighting for me?

Filled with love and compassion,
Being bound by her past sins is not an option.

While Satan desperately tried to destroy her every which way,
I was certain she would soon break,
But she continuously grabs hold to the One who has given her a reason to stay.

Who is this woman I see?
Why does this woman refuse to give up on me?

The swift movement of a blade she used to see as a way to numb the pain,
But her Savior has given her the strength to persevere through the heavy rain.

A woman thou art loosed from the chains of guilt, hopelessness, and fear.
Overcoming the secret desires that once drew her near,

To the depths of self-destruction and sorrow,
But now those doubts are no longer yesterday’s tomorrow.

She won’t be defeated, even by herself,
She longs to meet the King and will keep fighting until her last breath.

Who is this woman I see?
And why does this woman no longer look like me?