Tag: uncertainty

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Today

Posted on by KDP

I have come to accept that how I cope with the death of loved ones may not really change.

The way I acknowledge and accept it is an unfortunate expedited process.

I do not like it yet I cannot stand to prolong it.

Why dwell on the numbness? Why ponder on the what if’s?

It is. It was.

It does not bring them back and the tears have been spent.

However, the death of self has been painfully annoying to say the least.

Why do I fear this? This internally persistent uncertainty can be daunting.

No matter the truth, there remains an unsettling hesitation.

Lord, please forgive my doubt.

Yes, I know we have been through this.

Progress feels slow at times but I know this transparency is a part of that.

I am not deserving of Your grace.

Help me to calm my spirit and become more disciplined in this pursuit.

I am not sure what tomorrow may bring, but today I choose YOU!

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pandemonium

Posted on by KDP

It is crazy how close to the edge one can feel in just a blink of an eye. I am starting to feel like the eye of the tornado.

Chaos surrounding me everywhere I look and see that the slightest movement can send me to a place of no return.

Yelling is pointless and even breathing has become more difficult. I didn’t think this decision would lead to this much discomfort. Lord, please take this feeling from me.

Anxious. Why am I this anxious? Why won’t it slow down? Why does this always seem to happen at the worst time? How much longer will this last?

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The Daydreamer

Posted on by KDP

What the future holds and what I hope to accomplish in my community are never too far from my prefrontal cortex. And even with the excitement of the possibilities, there is also this feeling of anxiety. So many things I am good at but not one sticks out to me as THAT thing. That thing that God targets and builds that stands out from all the rest. That thing in which it is clear what your calling is. That thing that doesn’t send me drifting into uncertainty. It always appears that others have that one distinct thing, but then there’s me.

Sometimes I daydream of what could be or what is to be. And although I am forever grateful, is being a good wife and student all there is to me? Yes, that may sound crazy and Lord I ask you to forgive me. I ask that You please help this daydreamer to see beyond just some blurry images that resemble trees.