There is this woman clothed in red. Her smile is vibrant and her appearance is golden in the eyes of her partner. He loves her when she has this appearance and she knows it. He treats her like his queen and makes sure she has everything she needs. He wants to love all of her. She carries her smile because it makes him happy. But behind her smile is pain. This is his look for her and not her own. It hurts her to know that she only can get his full attention when she is dressed in this beautiful red. Usually he is expressing what he doesn’t like about her appearance at that moment. He doesn’t really want to kiss or touch her much and when she asks he says the same things over again. Her hair isn’t “done”, her clothes are not “girly”, and she doesn’t wear “enough” heels. Inside she already struggles with physical insecurities and slowly he is drowning her with criticism. Nothing she does to change her appearance is acceptable, except when she wears that red! She understands he wants her to always look beautiful, but she tries to explain how she shouldn’t be made to feel as though her beauty is primarily skin deep. She also knows he has a problem, a physical problem. He can be shallow but she doesn’t want to use that against him because she knows bad habits don’t die easily. She keeps hoping that maybe he will grow out of this and look at her again like before… She wants to dress up more but constantly being reminded makes her feel as though she is only beautiful when she looks a certain way. She cries and feels silly for it. Crying over a man’s perception of her? How silly right? Day after day, as she wakes up and looks beside her in the bed, she asks herself, “Will he ever walk in and smile at me again without wearing that red? Will I ever be able to pick out my wardrobe without his desires in the back of my mind? When will I be able to stop being so self-conscious about my appearance? Why am I here if I have been feeling this way for some time? Is there something I am missing? This can’t possibly be where this story ends..
Tag: woman
Woman
Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman that she has become?
I do not recognize this glow in her eyes,
Or this confidence that was once nowhere in site
Who is this woman I see?
Who is this woman staring at me?
Before there was this little girl trapped in the darkness of her past,
Trying to convince herself that the pain would somehow pass.
If she stayed distracted, she wouldn’t have to admit she was hurting.
Ironically, it only prolonged her suffering.
But that little girl no longer hides within the shadows.
She walks with elegance and hope; she is unrecognizable.
Who is this woman I see?
Why is this woman fighting for me?
Filled with love and compassion,
Being bound by her past sins is not an option.
While Satan desperately tried to destroy her every which way,
I was certain she would soon break,
But she continuously grabs hold to the One who has given her a reason to stay.
Who is this woman I see?
Why does this woman refuse to give up on me?
The swift movement of a blade she used to see as a way to numb the pain,
But her Savior has given her the strength to persevere through the heavy rain.
A woman thou art loosed from the chains of guilt, hopelessness, and fear.
Overcoming the secret desires that once drew her near,
To the depths of self-destruction and sorrow,
But now those doubts are no longer yesterday’s tomorrow.
She won’t be defeated, even by herself,
She longs to meet the King and will keep fighting until her last breath.
Who is this woman I see?
And why does this woman no longer look like me?
TheKiaraProject 